Posted Sunday, October 16, 2022
3yOpinion?
Is it true, (talking to the men out there) if you feel a woman is out of your league, or maybe intimidates you in some way, she's intelligent, independent, beautiful.... will you not shoot your shot? Will you just assume you have no chance? Or why is it guys don't go after a woman of a higher caliber? So many times I've been told that a guy doesn't want to Date me because I'm too good for them, but shouldn't you want to Date someone who will push you to be the best version of yourself? Women, do you get the same excuses from men?
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3y
I dated a guy who told me I'm too good for him and that I'm the kind of woman who deserved the world and more. At first I just thought flattery but whatever. I really liked him..a few months later we break up because "I'm too good for him" (His words not mine) I don't know...I think it's just something that men say when they want to break up with you and not make you feel bad. Or just reject you without making you feel bad. I still have so many questions about this whole "you're too good for me". IT MAKES NO SENSE Who finds chocolate that tastes way too good and says...hmm I'm gonna give it up and settle for something less tasty "because you're too good for me"??
3y
In my experience it's not worth the effort. Couldn't count the number of openers left on read. Why bother shooting your shot when you don't even get the closure of a "thx but no thx" lol. It's what leads to swipe culture, IMHO. Doesn't matter what's in the bio, most folk made their decision at first glance.
3y
we quickly learn that "women of a higher caliber" are often times self absorbed, and simultaneously pulling the strings of a multitude of other men. with women in western culture being constantly told that they can always get better, we men tend to be viewed as expendable, and with this cat + mouse game we have to play just to have a shot with one of these "higher caliber" women, it often isn't worth the time, energy, or heartache. now guys and girls, if thats offensive and "women have a tough time too" take an objective look at the disparity between the two groups of people looking to date and what their experiences are. if this offends you on a personal level, you are probably a prime suspect for all of what I have just said. Not that I care, I've found mine and I'll never have to participate in this charade ever again. stay happy and stay healthy folks.
3y
Usually it's fears of rejection and ridicule. And I don't know if it's restricted to any one gender. The form of ridicule is different depending on where you sit on the gender spectrum. Like women are often ridiculed to be not pretty enough and mem are often ridiculed to be not tall enough say. Also cultural norms see romantic rejection as a bad thing instead of just incompatibility. You maybe attracted to someone but they might not be attracted to you. Personally I don't let it bother me. My ex was taller than me and I went after her anyway. But I have learnt to ignore when someone is making fun of me for something I can't change (there is no use in getting mad at idiots). Just shoot your shot and remember if it didn't work it's usually not you but something completely out of your control!
3y
I never feel women are out of my league. I try my best to start a conversation with them and see how they respond. If their body language is negative towards me after a little while of conversation I simply back off. Honestly some girls do come off snobby etc. But looks can be deceiving. Most men are possibly to shy to even strike a conversation with somone out of their league so they give up. I myself have terrible shy issues and it doesn't matter if they are out of my league or in it lol. But, if I do manage the courage it's rewarding for me after I take that step of making that first hello. I judge by yout character over sexual appeal. I honestly love an intelligent woman over looks and beauty. I'm wired a bit different lol
3y
This has absolutely been an experience of mine. Four years ago, I was barely affording basic living expenses and was well below the poverty line and guys never outright told me I was "too good for them". Fast-forward a few years and I've turned it all around but now when guys hear what I do, what company I work for, and/or how much I make, I get a lot of "you're too good for me" and "you're probably looking for a guy that has more" or else I get unbearable levels of bragging in an attempt to impress me with material things but with no interest in me as a person. As a woman, it kind of feels like I can't win lol. Also although i know insecurities can be the culprit for guys that feel this way, but it's a bit offensive that they will assume that I'm shallow because I'm their definition of successful or attractive. I'm far more interested in finding a guy that I can be one half of a mischevious grumpy old couple with one day and who I can stand to hang out with on a Saturday than finding a 10 that's going to wait until I turn 60 and trade me in for three 20s lol. Plus, I think everyone is a work in progress even if they don't show it on the surface, I can't imagine most halfway intelligent attractive and/or accomplished women talk to a guy or get into a relationship with a guy without planning to work together with him to make both herself and him better people so the whole "didn't want to drag her down" thing? Doesn't make sense either. Just be honest if you don't feel you connect. It's much better than making someone feel punished for the work and effort they have put into their looks, career, or mindset.
3y
Personally, I've always taken my shot, and if I'm turned down I take it in stride and move on. I think I was fortunate to have been raised to have the confidence that my humor, heart, charm, and wit does make me worthy of love. What I always look for too is shared passions and interests, and that's a key for me. I'm also extremely attracted to intelligence and razor sharp humor. Powerful women are attractive.
3y
I either assume they're already taken or I'd have no chance so don't bother wasting my time and save myself from disappointment and possible humiliation. Now let me ask you... girls .... why don't you shoot your shot and leave it to the guys to take these shots?
3y
Higher caliber? Leagues? Sounds like you've got some internalized misogyny. Maybe you should worry less about how you rank among other women, less about the opinions of men who aren't interested in you, and worry more about how the baggage you carry is distorting your world view. There are no Leagues. There are no calibers. There is only people. (edited)
3y
I've never personally had that problem however sometimes it just comes down to timing like if a woman looks super busy we will pass. out with the girls? Pass.out with your best guy friend? Pass all of that, the abuse of the metoo movement among other reasons like mental health or low self esteem could also be contributing factors (edited)
3y
If he think's you're to good for him you probably are 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ 🤣🤣
3y
Many men feel emasculated in the presence of women they percieve that way. It's a byproduct of toxic masculinity and NEW gender roles/norms still being fresh & molded today. ( Thank God for women's liberation & civil rights successful history) Because we are in a transition...there is alot confusion and tension between the relationship of our notions of success, status, accomplishment and poorly understood human needs such as validation, sense of belonging, safety & security. There is rampant rejection and superficial relationship- foundation building going on..because of a horrible value system. Many Men & Women dont want to aim for a percieved " high caliber" prospect because many men & women are judged/rejected everyday from others who feel they dont have what it takes to be in a relationship with them. Also, many who convince themselves that they are of high caliber self-aggrandize which in turn can invite more neglect in a potential relationship than a partner who self-loathes. ( low self esteem). In conclusion ..1 Yes. It's TRUE alot of us feel that way...but it's not just Men. 2. Anyone who sees themseleves that way or sees others that way is very inaccurate because NOBODY gets ANYWHERE in life without many people, things & events. 3. This phenomenon concerning the ducking, dodging and hesitation of each other from perceived success in life situations/status/success is a problem ofcourse...& is fallout from a society full of social, cultural & economic inequality. 🧠💅👄👥📚💵🙇🏿♂️ Excellent question Chells. 👌🏿✊🏿 (edited)
3y
Personally I would still try to date them even though as most people would say (she's out of my league) because i find someone who is passionate and succesful in their own craft no matter the activity....very attractive. While Im not exactly mr perfect myself I do have accomplishments that Im proud of and I think I can benefit her as much as she does for me
3y
3y
When you use the word intimidate to explain why men wont approach it's a self-answering question women say intimidate because they arnt accountable for the fact that they haven't made themselves approachable
3y
Personally i look for two things brains first and physical attraction second i dont beleive anyone is out of anyones league if someone says that they r just i secure in them selfs and thats no fault on the other person
3y
It's not that we're intimidated, rather our experiences have taught us those little triggers and nuances that let us know when it's a pointless endeavor.
3y
Not really and we don't really care how independent pr intelligent a woman is
3y
I will say first that you definitely are a very beautiful woman. And like you said, one that I would never see myself being able to get with. But it isn't because I lack confidence or not have a desire to be with a woman that pushes me to be the best. The truth of the matter is that for many of us, we have been beaten down in our previous relationships in a way where we feel that if our ex didn't want us and she wasn't on the same level as someone that we think is out of our league. Well then, because of that past experience, we don't want to get hurt again by shooting our shot with someone on a higher level. A lot of it has to do with what has happened with us in past relationships. At one time most of us thought we were good enough for someone of a high caliber. But after the hurt and pain and other issues that came from the past we believe that we cannot reach higher than what we had. I myself love interacting with a woman that is intelligent, independent, funny, among many other things. There is so much more to a woman's beauty than just what is on the outside.
3y
I think we all measure "higher calibre" in different ways and a man can find a woman undesirable/unattractive for a number of reasons. If I met a single woman who I felt was compatible I would think about asking her out but many "higher calibre" women are unapproachable tbh.
3y
It's hard enough getting a date you want men to try to go after women way out of their reach? Are you insane?
3y
I just don't put ladies I ask out in leagues so I don't have this problem. Just don't rank people.
3y
Absolutely. Im not gonna speak on behalf of anyone else, but i dont shoot my shot because of past experiences ive had and people ive been with that brought out the worst in me. Toxic people. When someone breaks you down to a certain degree, it takes a lot of time to feel like you even deserve someone like that, or at all have a chance with someone of a "higher caliber". So it really comes down to these, from most simple, to more deep: fear of rejection, feeling like you have no chance, and feeling like you arent enough.
3y
I always try to date who catches my eye. It makes no difference if she is "out of my league" or I'm above her . For me if the person who I'm interested in is "out of my league". I'm not intimidated by that I would be the same me. If I do get lucky and she says yes to the date right away she has made my world better. Because this person feels I'm worth taking a chance on. Which in turn fills me with confidence and a want to do better.
3y
I can only speak for myself but I don't put any stock in league theory I try to treat everyone the same janitor or judge I don't care I talk to strangers in elevators and in line at the grocery store and if I'm feeling it I strike up a conversation if I'm not I don't... no leagues only vibe. And to any men out there that have told themselves "she's out of my league" I say get out of your own head and live your life and to everyone I say the magic happens outside of your comfort zone! Stop being a ?¿$$¥
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