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Universes
Posted Friday, May 3, 2024
14d
INTP
Libra
I need some advice...
Let's say I'm close with someone. We are comfortable cuddling and maybe there's been a few drunk kisses but it's all friendship. In fact, best friends. Neither is interested in a relationship. However, I'm not comfortable with them going on dates if we keep being physically close. If they plan to go on a date, I'd refuse a lot of physical contact (e.g. Cuddling) to 1. Respect the person they're dating and 2. Respect myself as I'd feel like I'm the safety net I don't think I'll ever end up in a relationship, so a best friend is the closest I'll ever be to having a strong bond which makes me feel appreciated. A strong friendship is my only way of feeling loved which I don't want to lose. What if I end up not only distancing myself out of respect but also feeling replaced?
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3.1M SOULS
13d
INTP
Sagittarius
You are so young-I understand why you are confused. If I could go back to my 21yo self and give myself some advice, I'd tell myself to learn to set boundaries. This is EXACTLY what you need to do. Relationships, platonic as well as romantic, need boundaries or else we lose ourselves just to maintain closeness. It sounds to me like neither of you have set any and anything goes as long as you keep saying you're "just friends". This is a great way for one or both of you to get hurt- sounds like you right now. You are afraid if you create more space between you that you'll get "replaced". True friends won't get replaced- the friendship will still be there, but there will be less time spent together, and if you are only friends, you need to put all that into the proper perspective. But the way you have framed your situation, you are framing yourself as a safety net or something to be replaced. You need to figure out what you really want, because it sounds to me like you want something more than platonic. In the meantime, make yourself less available to your friend- don't feel bad about saying no when they want to hang out. Start placing those boundaries. Spend time with other friends. When you are with your best friend, make it an environment that makes closer physicality less likely. After a while, you'll realize what you want really. If friendship was all, I think you'll feel way less anxiety over losing this person when they date. If you miss the physical contact, then you have to have a serious conversation with this friend about what you need/want. I think you shouldn't close yourself off too soon to a romantic involvement. Best of luck!
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0
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13d
INTP
Virgo
Tbh, I was like this. Went from friendship to best friends to cuddling and Yada Yada Yada. We had the same hang ups but then we just dated. Tbh. It's best to just be honest with each other and a little demanding. But if one person really doesn't want a relationship then you have to respect their decision and yourself and stop. (edited)
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