How as a man do I help?

Question

Last night, I was hanging with my gf at a bar and she went to the bathroom. The bathrooms were just 2 stalls at the end of a hallway. No gender aside. With the sink to wash your hands in the open. Just after my gf finished in the bathroom, someone slap her ass. I couldn't see it. She just told me and ask to leave. That is what we did but I feel like I could have done more to help. Gone and told someone or found the guy and told them off. What am I meant to do without getting myself in trouble?

Brandon · Accepted Answer

I was going to respond to Levi's comment, but I chose against it because you can't fix stupid... now, you did it right. She wasn't comfortable, and you left. The ONLY thing you could have added (and this only helps the establishment be more aware and doesn't help since you're making your gf stay there longer when she didn't want to be) is you could have gotten the man's description, walked her to the car, gave her the keys, and have her in there while it is locked (recommend she be on the phone with a friend or family member while you're gone depending on the area you're in.) You go back into the place, tell the bartender or manager that what they guy did, it wasn't welcomed and it was inappropriate, and as a result, your party is leaving and will not likely come back. Other than that, don't dwell on it. 1st priority in hanging out with people is making sure everyone is comfortable with the conditions. Your gf wasn't and you left without arguement.

Nik · Answer

Nothing. That sort of thing happens to me and many people I know all the time. The one thing I learned in life is that I can't control other's poor behaviour. Many people have never been taught how to keep their hands to themselves.

Cody · Answer

You really feel the need to protect her. That is why you are thinking about this a lot. Maybe i would suggest to her that she carry mace. Her best bet is to defend herself if she really feels threatened or harassed. Now your role in this is to stay with her and try not to explode when something happens. If you do go ape, it will end badly. Understand that leaving was likely the best course of action. If she still feels the need for physical security, the mace will suffice and you need to focus on staying calm and cooperative with her. You did a good job, i would have likely gotten into a fight. Js

Levi · Answer

Should've put your armour on and challenged them to a duel

Lien · Answer

Things like this happen to me all the time. I like to be monitored like a hawk when in public because an assault can happen in a flash, especially in crowded places.

It's not about losing my freedom. I have my freedom. It's more about feeling like I have a body guard. So, I always make plans to make sure I'm being monitored by anyone I'm with when in a vulnerable situation.

It works cuz perps can sense a vulnerable person like they can sense prey. They can also sense when someone has their guard up and has "backup". When they sense this stuff, they leave u alone--studies have verified this.

The reason this works is because perps tend to act on moments of opportunity (what can a woman do if someone slaps her ass and she's alone? Not much. But, if she has people with her? A ton more).

They wanna do what they wanna do and get away with it. If they can't get away with it, they won't do it. (Eg. rapes usually happen in private for this reason, thieves wear cover-ups for this reason, etc)

So, next time in a situation like this, keep ur eye on her when she goes to the restroom or better yet, go with her to show ur presence to perps and to also help her feel safe

Prevention is WAYYYYY better than mending someone's broken sense of safety

Bradley · Answer

The best thing to do is what you did. Just leave. If she wants to tell the bartender so that the man could be thrown out, then for sure do that. Hopefully she knows how to stand up for herself and tell someone who does that, that its not acceptable. And to leave her alone. In the future, keep this incident in mind. If she is going off on her own, simply start asking her if she wants you to go with her. And of course let her know that she can ALWAYS request you to come along if she feels uncomfortable.

Jacqueline · Answer

I'd just go with her and wait. Men intimidate other men with their presence. If any friends were with you same. 
It's one of the reasons why women in bars go to the bathroom together. Assault in any form is completely unacceptable behavior towards anyone! Don't feel bad about this just take what you can from the experience and do better next time (as with all things in life). This type of behavior shouldn't be accepted or even tolerated. It's disrespectful, goes against personal space, and bodily autonomy. Just my opinion based on my life experiences.

How as a man do I help?

Humanrights Community

Nothing. That sort of thing happens to me and many people I know all the time. The one thing I learned in life is that I can't control other's poor behaviour. Many people have never been taught how to keep their hands to themselves.

Should've put your armour on and challenged them to a duel

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