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Universes
Posted Wednesday, October 9, 2024
1mo
INTJ
Taurus
Black as coal
That was the expression someone once told me to describe his own heart, but I didn't believe it at the time. I didn't believe the only true thing he was ever able to tell me. Or rather, I thought I could bring light to this darkness. However... I was wrong. I was sorely wrong. So, against my wish, it was this insatiable parasitic murk that began to consume me, like a black hole, absorbing my life away. Then, after many years of obscurity, this costume was an exteriorization of such deep and intense fury that I didn't even know being able of feeling until the moment I got aware of what was happening. Fortunately, when I no longer could bear so much negativity inside me, on the verge of exploding, God heard my desperate prayer and mercifully lit up my soul. Now I don't feel anything anymore, itโs almost like narrating someone elseโs story, which gives me a such strange state of mind, knowing that what was once so intense and so lasting, from love to hate, has been reduced to nothing. Quite ironically, I can say that I experienced a "Greek tragedy" wherein I received a "Greek's gift" โ my own Pandora's box โ from which Narcissus came out, or rather, an exemplary narcissist (in fact, a psych๐ฆนpath), because this someone I used to know is a Greek guy... The only person born in Greece that, so far, I've come in contact with and who popped-up in my life 10 years after I had the idea of making a nymph as an alter-ego and the protagonist of a book. ... That wasn't my last disappointment, the one I mention in my profile description. That was the longest and most traumatic. 7 years of lies, deception, promises that were never kept and manipulation. And in the end, after I had found out everything, he lied even more, trying to make me bend again, trying to make me feel worse than I already was. He didn't realize that his power over me was gone and all I could hope for, at that point, was that he had shown the slightest amount of regret and dignity, had told the truth when I gave him many, many chances to do so, had shown at least the slightest bit that he cared about me. But even that didn't happen. And that isn't even the worst memory I have of him. Two years before the end, my grandmother had gone into a coma due to pneumonia and, later, an infection contracted in the hospital. I was an emotional wreck and asked him to give me a little more attention that day and he responded, among other things: "[...] I don't know how miserable you are, but I'm not, and you're ruining my day". I got so shocked and perplexed that I didn't know how to react appropriately, I just apologized and said I wouldn't bother him ever again. However, after the shock, I slowly started to process what had happened and that's when things inside me started to change regarding him. Unfortunately, my mind takes a long time to organize complex information when it involves feelings. An inordinately long time. (edited)
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413 SOULS
Kyriaki
1mo
INTJ
Aries
I'm sorry to hear! You should be proud of yourself you didn't let this completely absorb you, left him and even got the emotion out of your system! Wish you to heal and find inner peace and strength ๐ p.s. you've turned emotional expression into an art! Great job - a nice 'catharsis' to the Greek tragedy ๐
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