My man is an ISTJ. We are together for a while. At the beginning, he had a 9-5 stable job. We decided to move to another country, and got back to university. He always says we'll going to buy a house. After graduated from his second master, he occasionally works as a part-time data engineer and software engineer (that's only enough to cover his rent and daily expenses). He keeps saying he'll going to buy a house after having a full time job which stays for at least 6 months. A year passed, he's NOT looking for a full time job. What he does all day is playing mobile games, watching YouTube, twitch, sleeping, eating, pooping and doing some essential housework. He is wise, and could teach me coding. He could code and handle data like a dolphin swimming and playing its prey in the ocean. (He has around 10 years experience in this field.) Everytime when I see him playing, I just feel that I really can't stand with a man who lives like a useless parasite. It's not attractive at all. I have tried to communicate him. : How do I help? Do you have games addiction? Do you want me setting some daily plan for you? "You could do more housework." He said. "Why not you spend less time on gaming and sleeping? Why can't you keep your priority straight? what stopping you? I don't think that doing your housework will make you to have more time for job searching since you slept for 12hrs and played for couple hours in your non-working days." (Which is 6days per week) I am helpless and frustrated, but I am not going to leave. I need to know to how to motivate him, and how to give him a proper job. Thank you for your reading. (edited)

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Markus

ISFJ

Virgo

From my experience it's almost impossible to motivate someone if they don't think it's a problem or don't care to change. You can try to guide them and communicate your concerns but in the end they need to be accountable for their actions and develope the desire to improve or they won't stick to it in the longrun.

Dexter

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Sounds like he is depressed without even knowing it

JB🌀

ISTJ

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But what do you do?

Chris

ISTJ

Gemini

You think he doesn’t pick up on how you feel and probably treat him? That is a man depressed who doesn’t see the point of trying no light at the end of the tunnel that man is withdrawing and giving up you could try showing love support and affection but whatever is going on the attitude and disdain towards him you have show in this post will never help only further damage (edited)

Scott

ISTJ

Pisces

I mean… is this your first bf??? It’s pretty common place for a typical bloke, let’s say, to promise the moon and stars just to get a shot and a foot in the door. Anywho… I think you need to decide, aside from these very concerns that you’re expressing here and now, is this your person? Is this the person that you want for keeps, the rest of your days??? Once you’ve determined that… and should your decision be yes, I’d advise you to avoid playing mommy and definitely don’t make it a regular pestering topic, don’t try to force or shame. I’d instead opt to suggestively plan a more passive helping hand. Subtle seemingly coincidental but very related concepts that he doesn’t even realize you’re planning or pushing. Perhaps you made a new girlfriend that happens to be married to or is herself a high ranking member actively employed in an applicable field. Just start making plans for the two of you… get him out and away from the YouTube/gaming loop. And so many more possibilities… you should get the point. I obviously do not have any clue who this person is or their character and intent. I’m an ISTJ myself and I’m putting myself in those shoes in that aspect. This is all assuming he’s a generally good man that means well and would love nothing more than to be able to provide everything your hearts desires if he could and it is hard… if he cares it is something that eats at him regularly and he’s most likely internally very stressed about it. Depressed even perhaps. If you don’t come from money, it’s rough just getting through the gauntlet… let alone thriving. Do you work as well???

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