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Universes
Posted Sunday, November 19, 2023
1y
INFP
Taurus
What do you think is hardest in ENM?
Dating
Jealousy
Time management
Other (comment)
93 votes
7
7
Comment
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B.
1y
INTJ
Virgo
There is a lot of elitist behavior in the associated communities which can make it very difficult to date anyone, if not impossible. I may be an outlier statistically, especially since I have an eye injury and other difficulties earlier in life which compounded things, but it becomes pretty obvious that there are issues after a decade of identifying as ENM, and a decade with no real relationships. If you are male bodied, single, and are not attracted to men, it is basically 3 strikes and you are out. Your mileage may vary. I only remain ENM because I need to be true to myself, regardless of how others see me, or freeze me out because they disapprove. I sound bitter, and I am, but that doesn't necessarily invalidate my experience or opinion. Location may be part of it too. Portland has a lot of hipster -ish, cliquish elitist people, and I have been there for 7 years. Haven't been with anyone in as many years. Go figure. Being dismissed or invisible can be habit forming. I participated in community meetups, book clubs, discussion groups, maintained dating profiles, tried speed dating events even. Nothing mattered. I was politely tolerated as long as I paid my dues, and ignored as a viable partner or human being. That's been my experience. I am sure others have had different ones. I am not saying any of this to be combative, and honestly it is difficult to talk about, and I don't enjoy it. Just being honest.
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3
Reply
Luca
7mo
ENFP
I answered jealousy a few weeks ago but the longer I'm in an open relationship, the more I want to answer "time management". It's so hard to balance time together and time with other people. For me, my ENM relationship leads to new friendships and deep connections which need time and effort, which then steals me time I could use for my partner. Communication and positive interactions in both directions are probably where it's at.
1
0
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