Moose

Posted Tuesday, June 25, 2024

5mo

INTJ

Capricorn

9

1

I worry but

Things have been just bad lately. We're about to lose our jobs. International incidents aside, one can't help but wish to be in times when we still had hope 🌸 when it all feels inevitable. Adulting is knowing that the problems won't pause just because you feel overwhelmed and annoyed and frustrated. You just keep going pissed off and bone tired and restless, but you keep going. It's times like these that I do worry... What with all that labels I need to function under - sister, daughter, worker, friend- if there's still space for me in there. I worry because sometimes it feels like I exist to pay bills and taxes and to be there for other people... Not in a what about me and what about fairness kind of thinking but more of: What's left for me to look back at and to look forward to in life? I barely have any memories worth keeping. Most stories I share with people are 5, 6... Even 10 years in the past. I've been in survival mode for so long... I can't even remember what it felt like to be free to just be anymore. I worry but and this surprises me too but there are still some small comforts in this world that somehow catch my attention and for that I am thankful. Being able to sleep in some days. Just enjoying being under the sun some afternoons. Having time to listen to my friends rant at the world. I know those moments are rarer now. I worry that someday they might all be gone... But so far I still find these moments from time to time. ( Glimmers are those tiny, seemingly insignificant moments when you feel a sense of joy, pleasure, peace, and gratitude. They’re often catalyzed by simple, daily things like petting an animal, taking a hot shower, or listening to the rain outside your window. The term “glimmers” was coined by Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in complex trauma. In her 2018 book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, Dana notes that glimmers aren’t grand experiences. On the contrary, she says, “They’re micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways.” https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/what-are-glimmers/ )