I have bipolar disorder and complex PTSD, both of which are well managed with a combination of intense therapy and medications. Most days are just fine. Today was a very good day by any metric. I did well at work, talked with many friends online, and went out to play Dungeons and Dragons with a group I joined recently. I had an intense conversation with a friend I deeply care for, and we cleared the air about issues that had been bothering us both for some time. We came out happy in the end, having both been heard and understood by each other. Our friendship is stronger than ever. But still. I'm home now, in my apartment where I am safest. And I'm crying. I'm alone, and I'm safe (and I can't stress enough how important that is) but I'm lonely. My ex was very controlling, and cut me off from most of my friends and family. I moved out more than a year ago, but for nearly a year before that she completely withheld affection from me. Not sex, but even the basic human contacts that should be taken for granted. It's been close to three years since anyone but my kids has given me so much as a hug, and today is the day it caught up with me again. I'm not looking for any responses, or even any attention really. Tomorrow will be another day, and it's a good bet that none of this will be bothering me then. But for tonight, this is where I am: putting it down in words to keep it from eating me alive.

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Shaun

1mo

INFP

Gemini

It's hard to be a man in this culture and be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing and being an example of a normal man doing a normal thing: feeling.

Azrael

1mo

ENTJ

Libra

Almost sounds like a combo of grief and relief. Like you had a toxic connection for a long period. Then today got to have a healthy resolve to conflict which let the body understand what it knew was wrong while also having a chance to have something new it needed. Not that you need or want my assesment, just to be supportive and share the very logical reasons for you to express. I find when my emotions and experiences create conflict within self I tend to need expression more than ever. Along with somewhere to lean. So in some ways you’re not totally alone tonight, and niether am I. Thank you for sharing 🕊️

Wendell

1mo

INFP

Aquarius

We live in much the same worlds Matt. Very much the same

♡ Câz ♡

1mo

ISTJ

Libra

It's great u are aware, and have the strength to post how you feel and talk about emotions. It can be hard to get a good balance still of being out and good, and being home and alone. It can be tough to have been with someone controlling...Both my ex-husband and I somewhat were controlled or restricted in relationships. Now you have more freedom which is great but you still can't force connection or physical touch but in the future, there is possibilities. Try to keep busy when alone too so you don't feel as lonely...You can still phone friends, get a pet to keep you company, do a hobby at home you like to do that will make it more enjoyable to be home, maybe meditate or do some planning of exciting things for the next day. It's not the same as physical hugs and contact but it certainly can make it less lonely for you. Take care, keep taking ur meds, keep progressing

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🥀

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It's so relatable

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I would prefer even to fail with honor than win by cheating! 🔥🤘

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You did the wrong things to the right girl! 🤙

Putting a name to it, so it doesn't overwhelm me

Emotions Community

It's hard to be a man in this culture and be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing and being an example of a normal man doing a normal thing: feeling.

We live in much the same worlds Matt. Very much the same

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