Coco

Posted Tuesday, March 5, 2024

2mo

INFJ

Capricorn

2

3

Relationship style or orientation?

So you’re polyamorous. This means so many different things to so many people. Polyamory can be a choice to participate in an open relationship. Polyamory can be swinging with emotional connections. Polyamory can include queerplatonic non-sexual partners. It can mean nesting with multiple partners in an established polycule. It can mean living alone and practicing solo polyamory with no intention to ever nest. It can involve multiple separate coupled relationships or multiple intertwined relationships (like triads) or simply an openness to potential additional partners while living single or monogamously. However, and VERY importantly, polyamory is also an orientation for many. Not everyone participating in ENM and using the label polyamorous is polyam by orientation. Let me explain: for me, polyamory is intrinsic. It has always been part of me, even before I knew what it was. It is the ability to maintain romantic love in multiple separate streams without sacrificing one for another. It is a fundamental rejection of the idea that love should be locked in a cage and not freely given where it belongs. If I am living authentically, I am unable to cosplay monogamy. Monogamy, while acceptable as an orientation or choice for those who want it, is a set or arbitrary nonsensical rules for me. My husband is monogamous by orientation. He just doesn’t feel those feelings for anyone else. It’s not part of him. I get it. And he gets me. Romantic love and frienship and virtually indistinguishable for me. The only element that differentiates things for me is whether or not there is reciprocal attraction or sexual interest. (Sometimes those don’t exist, so a friendship label is appropriate). The ability to be authentic in my interactions with others without feeling disloyal to my existing partners is the best gift I have ever received. I could not maintain a relationship where I was required to be inauthentic with everyone else for the sake of societal expectations or other people’s morals. I would rather be alone. This is the difference between practicing polyamory as a choice and living it as an orientation. I hope this is useful to someone out there who has been confused about the different types of polyamory they have encountered.