Angie

Posted Saturday, May 18, 2024

15d

INFP

Aquarius

6

5

Neuro diverse people I know....

Have said to me over the years that they 100% believe I am 'on the spectrum'. I would nod and say that I have traits but not really thought too much about it. Until now! I watched a program by Chris Packham who is a naturalist and wildlife photographer, who has only recently been diagnosed with autism. In this program he helped give a voice to 4 individuals who have autism. By speaking to the people themselves, he was able to put them in contact with various creative peoples who were able to bring to life in the form of a short video how their world impacts them. They wanted to show their friends and family how their world is that they are unable to communicate. It gave them a voice! This program touched me deeply and also the bells of many of the things they touched on started ringing more loudly. I then searched and watched two more programs and realised that there was more than just traits I have. Digging deeper I found so many thoughts and behaviours are similar to my own. I even tried an online form to ascertain the possibility of having autism as an adult. Obviously it is a vague indicator and by no means a proper diagnosis. I could pursue a diagnosis. This could tell me that whatever I think and feel is valid and not just being a total idiot. It may allow my family to understand things so much more better and give me a voice also. I am unable to say to them that I find certain situations overwhelming. That my brain goes on a go slow or freezes. Masking is mentioned and this is clearly what I do so people are unaware of the turmoil. But on the other hand, I think that I'm 57 and have dealt with this all my life thinking it was just me being over sensitive. What would having a diagnoses really achieve? Will the people I know understand and will their behaviour towards me change? There is another aspect too. It has a genetic factor. My eldest I think is also on the spectrum and one grandson is being assessed and the other has possible ADHD. Another indicator that they have inherited it from me? But as they are now being assessed, which is a lengthy process, would my diagnosis really bring anything to the table. Probably not. This post is just putting my thoughts down really. I am unable to talk about many things in the real world so I find platforms like this a godsend. (edited)