Ghosting and Commitment

I have a feeling that a lot of the relationships I've had ended because people don't want to work through and accept one another's faults. It feels like the first sign of real trouble. Or the first " red flag or two" people run. I personally am an alcoholic. I have tines where I drink. Get stressed. And basically attack everything online. In person I'm never like this. Even when I drink. But the biggest reason is I think I lash out because im nervous about being left. ( please don't make it technical. Codependency. Separation anxiety they all sound the same.) I recently had a relationship a few months ago. I was being worked 90-100 hours a week and I drank. And of course after not hearing from someone for days I got worried. And then got angry because it was completely out of charector for them. Then they showed up mad because I got angry. So to apologize I stopped drinking. No matter what I did or said. Nothing changed. Could never move past that one mistake. Quitting drinking meant nothing. My question is. If I have to be nonstop perfect to be date able. And if trying to improve myself. And quit bad habits for someone isn't enough. What's the point of trying?