Mizzy Macadamia Mint

Posted Friday, September 29, 2023

7mo

INFJ

Capricorn

2

1

Laundry: a poem about dealing with trauma

Laundry I truly try so hard not to think about you About the he said she said drama, the misunderstandings, the miscommunication About, well, everything that's happened I avoid the trauma like putting away fresh laundry It's still sitting there Unavoidable A silent but screaming pile of clothes Mocking me from the corner of my room Begging me to put it away before something happens and it's soiled and needing to be washed again And I really do need to find a pair of socks Yeah, my trauma needs to be handled But if I side step every reminder Maybe wear sandals today I can put off letting you go I know it's been years I even tried to open up the conversation to just entertain the idea of a somewhat friendship again Not as intense as before but Not the current emptiness All my trauma dismissed All my pain swept under a rug Invalidated and left out to dry in a rainstorm I won't pretend that's an option I avoid all people now All interpersonal relationships Because none of them are you. I can almost see you In the smell of a new book, the sound of insects in the park, the taste of a frozen coffee that icily burns my lips and temples There's less magic in my world without you But you still live on in my mind and heart, occasionally slipping through the cracks I trip over pieces of you Scattered on knick-knack shelves, slipped between pages, drawn in margins, I find you in odd shops and thrifted bits and bobs, A memory of what was or would have been waving to me Bruising all my wounds and ripping my scabs If only you weren't everywhere I wish the pain would subside I want to finally mourn you and move on from a time where you were my dearest friend I would never try to replace you I would never consider to dismiss what we had so arbitrarily Sometimes I wonder if I'd have been better off not meeting you And learning from you And loving you If I'd be better off never having known your name I mean Who needs magic anyway It's quite sad Pathetic even To think about me Pining over our lost friendship When you don't even think of me at all And when you did it was to second guess the worth or legitimacy of our bond I don't know what hurts more That, or the delusional idea that in some parallel universe, we might still be besties Getting coffee on some random Tuesday or Wednesday In this universe you can drive and have your own car, it's pink with usagi on it, so we match You take us book shopping and I take us to dinner for sushi I show you how to make the moonshine solstice cake and you help me eat it But if this universe exist then there's probably a universe where I never had laundry to do Because I never knew your name