Nokey

Posted Saturday, May 18, 2024

14d

INFJ

Taurus

6

7

Goodbye.

TLDR: Useless rant - just skip. It's become increasingly apparent that there is no one like me. No one thinks the way I do. I've been through so much trauma and heavily conditioned to the extent that I realise just how different, and alone I am. I think I'm starting to understand incels, surprisingly. Except where they have hatred, I have disgust and sadness. And it's not limited to one gender, though it's weighted. Everyone sees sex in ways that I do not. And have subjected themselves to it in ways that I would never. We are most definitely not the same. But I'm on my own here. Today just added to that. There's not a single person out there who gets where I'm coming from, and even if they can understand, they're guilty due to prior experience or behaviour. You are all wolves. I'm a deer. There's no point in me saying any of this. It's not like anyone is going to go, I'm intrigued - I think we might be similar. I'm not ace, I'm not anything like that. I'm not averse to sex, by any means. And I'm certainly no prude. I could walk circles around a lot of people for what I've subjected myself to, but it would go over most vanilla mindsets. The way in which I understand sex is unlike any of you, due to the path I was on. I wasn't always like this. And now, because of things partly out of (and seemingly in) my control, I feel absolutely alien among everyone. I don't want this, but it's my reality. I'm ridiculously polarising. I'm incredibly complicated in ways you couldn't begin to be patient or interested enough to understand. And I know that. I do not belong here. I never did. It was stupid of me to think that I could. The decision of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. That's all I've done. I've not learned my lesson. I haven't learned a thing at all. Any person hellbent on responding just to throw some shade onto my parade, save your added negativity for someone else. God knows you feel better about yourself for going out of your way to bring people down. I pity you. You know not the depth of other's pain, and especially mine. I'm like no one you'll ever know, and you never will. Not that you care. You're heartless. You can't possibly hurt me more than I've already hurt myself. Nice try, though. We're just two sides of the same coin. You'll hurt others because you're pathetic. And I'm pathetic so I'll let others hurt me and then I'll get in on the action, too. This is an incredibly lonely world. I'm bothered by society. How you see one another, your objectification, your selling of sex. Everything is always about sex. Attraction is the precursor and everyone thinks for themselves. 99% of you wouldn't even speak to me if you didn't think I was female or someone you might get off to one way or another. You disgust me. I'm not your toy. It's not about personality. Even if it was, look how ugly mine is. Trauma did this to me. And it keeps me from being like the rest of you. Would I want that, though? You don't even see how deluded you are. You don't even understand the problem. You'll only hurt me, too. And if you don't, I'll just beat you to it to save you the time. I am incredibly isolated by things outside of my control. Being around you, just reminds me of that. And you know what, why not? Call all the trolls and get in here. That's what you want, right? To kick someone when they're used to living on all fours? Go ahead. Get it all out. People like me can't be a part of society the way the rest of you can, all in your own way. You'll not see me here again. No one would care, and even if you thought you did, I'd do my damnest to convince you to stop. And if you're offended by this, ask yourself why, and be truthful about it. I'll be setting this account up for deletion after this post. I'm going back to staying in my corner. Sincerely, Nokey, a girl who has no name