After a few months of butting heads, neither of us could take it anymore, so I decided I was leaving, but what now? Homeless shelters are full of drugs. I don’t want to go back to the streets, so I had to swallow my pride and call my grandmother. At first, nothing had changed, but as time slowly passed, I realized my freedom was gone. I was again in a situation where I felt imprisoned. Trapped as a captive of rules, expectations, and an authority figure who felt it could control me. Soon after, rebellion settled in rage, and defiance radiated from my being. Yet within? Within, misery and depression struck again. Hard. Grief-stricken to the core, I wondered what was missing. I was clean, I had a place, but I wasn’t happy, and at times, even thought I was happier being homeless. So what is this? What is this all for? There is no way this was all for nothing! But yet again, I was too strong to let any of this show on the outside. I just carried on with my mask of toxic masculinity and bravado. After all, its carried me this far, right? So things went on as usual for a while. I said I would get help, but never did, cause I didn’t trust anyone. I just kept telling myself, “Who do I trust?’ Me!” I wasn’t the problem; everyone else was the problem, and I was tired of pretending, I was tired of hurting, I was tired of the cycles, but at the same time, I refused to let go of the pain, I refused to admit I was the problem, and that kept the cycles going. The emotional damage was only worsened over time, and the longer I numbed it, the more of a pain it was gonna be to deal with it. A part of me knew this, but I didn’t care. Liquor was legal, and in the words of sueco “my head might be sober but hearts still wasted. Yeah, I'm better off trading one pain for another; it feels right” so how can it be wrong? Then came the whispers again. Who was I hurting by having a drink? The answer is myself. And when the pain is too much to bear, there goes the cycle over again. In my head, it was setting me free, but really it was keeping me captive to the cycle. A lost cause, buried in self hatred, wallowing in misery, filled with regret on the inside but on the outside a machine of anger and defiance. Chin held high I carried on “cause ill be damned if I admit im wrong”. But slowly the armor was breaking.

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I think it shows good insight. You expressed yourself clearly, and you took responsibility for where you were and your actions. It's very revealing and raw.

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Dooron door song will always be on top of my playlist "mitti da banda mein, tu taan pari" always gets me bcs wdym he thinks her beauty is unreal for this world...🤌🏻🌷💌

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What do you do in your free time?🙂‍↔️

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Next time you think I'm flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for a desire.

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What do you think about this ??

You — the most beautiful part of my boring life. You — who makes everything feel lighter just by existing. People say the ones who leave were always meant to. But what about the scars they leave behind? Who is destined to carry those?

Seeking feedback. Part of a assignment for school based on my story of recovery

Writing Community

I think it shows good insight. You expressed yourself clearly, and you took responsibility for where you were and your actions. It's very revealing and raw.

Related Posts

💯

Only on Dreame and Yugto

Kusursuz

The moment you demand respect, you’ll learn whose kindness was conditional.

What you call “bad luck” is often the universe rejecting your delusions.

Forgiveness doesn’t require reunion. Some people earn their distance.

Boundaries don’t push people away; they reveal who was trespassing.

Some people need pain, because peace would force them to take responsibility.

People say “you’ve changed” when you stop tolerating their dysfunction.

Many call it depression when it’s actually the death of their false identity.

Discipline is the violence you choose so life doesn’t choose it for you.

Pluto projector 🌌

Thinking about writing a sci fi short story! I've never done this before!

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Someone asked, how much can you love me?

📖

Some “ride or die” relationships are just emotional hostages calling it love.

You are meant to fly...

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All this hustle just to love?

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Libra Kind of Love!

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👍

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True some guys want to play games

questionoftheday

"The right moment"

If you love nature , then nature loves you 💞

Until you're comfortable with yourself, you'll never know if you've chosen someone out of love or out of loneliness 🌅

Writing from heart

Next time you think I'm flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for a desire.

What do you think about this ??