Strict Parenting

Question

My hommies would agree with me on this. As someone who is raised in a typical asian household, most of us are raised by strict parents. Little did they know, they raised great liars, and pretenders.

Clearly, it is something that we shouldn't be proud of but there is no alternative.
Growing up we have to lie just to stay a bit late outside. For us to experience a bit of "life" we have to muster all our courage to act and create excuses.

Nevertheless, we couldn't blame them as parents. Their intentions are pure as they want to protect us from the sad truth about our society.  As to their method, that is what they think is the best way.

Don't get me wrong. Growing up with strict parents is hard and sometimes I feel left out for the things that I don't get to experience. still i am grateful to my parents.

As an adult, can we really use our upbringing as an excuse for our actions?
But to what extent are we going to use our upbringing as an excuse for our behavior?

As I see it, as an adult somehow we get to make our own decisions in life. So it is either we continue being a douche or we break the norm and start the change with ourselves.

I just don't get it how others still blame their parents for their behaviors and misfortunes. 
There is this meme, "If you are having trouble with the path you chose to take, why did you chose to walk that path?" It may be full of sarcasm but it at some point it does make sense.

We are capable of choosing our paths. For some it's predetermined and for some, we need to pave our own path. So whatever circumstances we are in, it's the result of our choices. We are accountable for our own actions.

Patrick · Accepted Answer

I hear you, and I had the exact same conversation with a friend just yesterday.

Everyone experiences trauma differently, and healing from trauma takes time and deliberate effort, and not everyone has the cognitive aptitude to attain this level of self awareness. When you're dealing with trauma, especially of childhood origin, you're dealing with neural pathways that are likely heavily ingrained in the core of your being, pathways your brain has and probably is constantly accessing, and the older you get the harder it is since our brains lose the much necessary malleability to rewire ourselves.

Furthermore, much smaller percentage of our lives is within our conscious control than we're comfortable to admit, psychology works because so much of how our mind functions is predefined. The fact you identify as a great "liar" and "pretender" is a symptom of exactly what I'm talking about, why do you feel the need to lie and pretend? Why can't you choose to be perfectly honest? There's nothing wrong with it, as a matter of fact I'd go as far as to say it's a healthy response and a necessary evil in some situations, but you have to ask yourself - is it within your conscious control, or are you lying to yourself that it is?

You have every right to blame your background for your current state, there's no shame in that if you think this will protect your ego and help you function and live your life, again higher order thinking is a luxury. If you do choose to exercise introspection, act with great care, it's easy to cause more harm than good and in that state you're much more susceptible to being manipulated.

However you and I and anyone else have no obligations towards anyone other than ourselves, regardless of their background. If we choose to be considerate, it's our choice. There are layers to this topic I won't address here, but know that you can live your life as you will, there is no right or wrong way so long you don't impede others.

♡ Câz ♡ · Answer

I didn't have a particularly strict upbringing but I do have quite a judgemental Asian mum. As an Asian adult, I take full responsibility so there isn't much point to lying or making excuses. I also want to be a good role model for my half-Asian kid and don't want her to lie so I try to make it safe for her to tell me anything. So far she has come to me with her honesty about mistakes and accidents. I know my cousin felt her parents were quite strict Asians but she now lives overseas from them  so she doesn't always get any pressure and expectations from them...Living elsewhere is easier than lying, IMO

Mohit Chauhan · Answer

Well my parents were strict but the never forced me to come late night , they just ask whom I m with and wht are we doing . It's a matter that they trust their son n the trust isn't broken ... It depends on how you understand them.. yes sometimes you've to lie little bit but yes a little bit is common it's human nature , but if you're carefree and keeps in lie you might get in trouble and they'll hve to suffer with you

Strict Parenting

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