Can a cuddler be happy as a non-cuddler in an undesirable relationship?

Question

Most of my life I've been EXTREMELY physically affectionate, with absolutely everyone in my life, even pets.

But I had less than zero interest in touching, hugging, kissing, even holding hands with my ex.  I just...couldn't.  I don't know why except that I simply wasn't attracted to him, wasn't "into" him; he was a relationship that never should have happened.  Ironically though, he only came about because I was mid-divorce and needed so desperately to be touched that a dinner became hugging became a one-night-stand who never left.

So yeah, we made it.  Well, **HE** made it... I buried myself in work and kids and duties and just hid my need for physical affection because I didn't want him to provide it.  I hugged my kids and kissed them, hugged my friends and coworkers and neighbors, hugged and kissed on the pets, but meanwhile didn't share a couch or a bed with my husband.  Hell, for a decade we didn't share a house, and for a year of that we didn't even share a STATE!

So here I am now at age 51, surrounded by "my chosen family" who I love and who love me, but there are so few of even them who I can hug or kiss on the cheek; women who aren't comfortable being kissed and hugged by other women, a couple of asexual/non-binary individuals who aren't comfortable being touched by anyone, and my two very closest friends -- both male -- whose female partners are so jealous the guys won't let me near them.

Where is *my* cuddle buddy?  The man (sorry everyone else, but I crave a man) who will wrap me in his arms, allow me to wrap him in mine, allow me to fall asleep to drum of his heart against my cheek, and cradle me in his scent and warmth and tenderness.

I'm so sad that I've allowed a third of my life slip away, chained to the wrong man, barred from those sensations, denied that shared tenderness.  I don't know where to go from here.

How do you find that which you've locked away for so long that you'll barely recognize it when it reappears?  How do you find that one cuddler amongst a sea of users and sex-seekers?  How do you safely navigate the same of internet strangers?

It hurts.  All of it.

Jonathan · Accepted Answer

okay first off who DOESNT WANNA CUDDLE???????

Ashay · Answer

Time heals everything they say and I think u had it but now my dear frnd u really need to get a man not just for physical need but also for supporting u in every way possible..hope you get the right one this time n dont rush n grab one after lunch again ..lots of love frm my side of earth 🙏🏻🤝🏻💐😇

nader · Answer

I am sad about what you are going through

Brian · Answer

I wish I had an answer for you. My fiance, RIP, used to fall asleep every night with her head on my chest, arm and leg thrown over me and my arm around her. I miss that.

Ridd · Answer

There are a lot of people out there with physical touch as their love language. You might have been out of the loop for some time, but trust me, it's really not that uncommon. Believe in yourself, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, and I guarantee you you will find something.

Alex · Answer

And this is why I will most likely never get married, this is why there are so many "sex seekers", bc those of us guys that are dumb enough to dedicate ourselves to a female almost always leads to us getting screwed over, strung along, and then left behind and forgotten, and now you have the nerve to try saying that YOU'RE the one hurting, u went through with the marriage bc u were on the rebound from ur last husband, that guy clearly fell head over heels and stuck around that "one night stand" and even put a ring on it, and spent a decade putting up with a wife who was disgusted by being touched by him, just to have her go online and complain to millions of other guys that she doesn't get touched enough, yeah MEN are the ones using and hurting WOMEN these days, mhm mhm mhm, surrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre

Tom · Answer

Cuddling is great when ur happy with ur man or woman. But sometimes people just don't like physical affection I guess.

Leon · Answer

Sounds like a recipe for disaster

GeorgeSmith · Answer

Oh really that's nice can will be mutual

Can a cuddler be happy as a non-cuddler in an undesirable relationship?

Cuddling Community

okay first off who DOESNT WANNA CUDDLE???????

I am sad about what you are going through

I wish I had an answer for you. My fiance, RIP, used to fall asleep every night with her head on my chest, arm and leg thrown over me and my arm around her. I miss that.

There are a lot of people out there with physical touch as their love language. You might have been out of the loop for some time, but trust me, it's really not that uncommon. Believe in yourself, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, and I guarantee you you will find something.

Cuddling is great when ur happy with ur man or woman. But sometimes people just don't like physical affection I guess.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster

Oh really that's nice can will be mutual

Related Posts

I'm goin hiking

When I really want to cuddle...

To much

Taking applications for a new boyfriend must be honest, respectful and don't cheat. But to sure I always come first 😌 😏 ☺️

Good pass times for lonely nights..?

🥺

Goodnight💕

Cuddling as an extreme sport

New to the app

Connecticut

At that Point

Hi

Bored

anyone on here ever met irl with someone?

Hi

Pls

Scrolling through this entire section and just asking myself yo we are we cooked chat?!? 😭😭

Hugs

Puppy

Tired

Cuddling

Heyyyou

whats everyones favorite snuggling position 😮

In need of a cuddle buddy

Cuddling.

Need someone to cuddle with

I need a cuddle buddy :(

Late night feelings

Big spoon or little?

Me and Who

What is the best part of cuddling?

Who wanna chill

☺️

Sometimes I forget how amazing self-care feels