I just got out of a 2 year relationship, and I really was convinced he was the one. But things didn't work out, and that was my best relationship. Now I just feel like maybe my walls are getting too high, but also afraid of settling. Any one else feel this way?

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Derek

ISTJ

Pisces

I don't think the walls get bigger but there is a time when people can mentally step back. Where they want to put distance between themselves and others so they have time to heal. It is natural to want to spend time to recover from a relationship. In these dark moments don't give into doubt or that feeling of hopelessness. You are going through something everyone goes through sometimes. Rather than trying to push your standards up higher try another method. Look at all the things you enjoyed about your recent relationship. Where there aspects of it you were never into before that they opened your eyes to. It is possible rather than just building a list of don't wants, focus on the things you enjoyed the most. If you focus on the things that allowed you to be seen, to feel valued and appreciated it will change your approach. My advice in relationships is to know and understand love languages. Know the way that you experience love in the most meaningful way and then identify the ways that you, yourself, show love. Once you know how your partner feels and expresses love it becomes easier for both of you to feel one another's needs as well.

David

INTJ

Leo

That is sad, but those walls do get higher. But never settle, being alone is better than being unhappy

Derek

INTJ

Leo

Having walls isn't a problem. It protects you. But every wall has a door. I wanna say don't give up...someone may come along with a key to open that door. But who knows..I'm pretty hopeless as well. Maybe someone will come along and scale the wall. But perhaps...the walls were made too high, and you need to find the few layers you can safely remove.

Tim

INFP

Aquarius

I feel you. I will never settle, and no one should. But also, yes, my walls are extremely large and thick at this point. Probably because everyone I've ever let in has lied, used, and hurt me. At some point I just started accepting that there is no one for me out there, because I only fall in love with people to find out I've been a fool the whole time.

Tim

INFJ

Cancer

Emotional connecting & bonding over time cements all of the social factors that constitute human relationships. Saftey, security, continuity, sense of belonging, exploration, novelty, discovery, familiarity, convenience, trust, vulnerability, self-esteem, etc. Some of these become more dominant depending on WHO you are with...HOW LONG you are with them...WHAT events you go through them with and WHO you are. // Its always going to take time for people to recover from these experiences. The factors most are unawares of though that determine the severity or how hard the fall/breakup is ...is our social & physical environment. At the end of the day....society has its often obscure hand in all of our most intimate, private experiences more than we realize. Your experience is unique but you arnt alone in the misery/ confusion that jungles our lives post breakup. Whatever support ( ex: like peeps on this app or outside), activites to submerge in ( preferably healthy ones) over time and the passage of time itself helps. I myself plan on attending workshops someday to share similar experiences in a circle for personal growth.

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That is sad, but those walls do get higher. But never settle, being alone is better than being unhappy

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