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Universes
Posted Sunday, February 25, 2024
11mo
ENTP
Cancer
Polyamory and Past Trauma
I can't believe I'm even writing this post. Basically there's this new partner that we just made it official recently. Of course, I end up stuck in my head that he's lying to me or some bullsh!t because of my past unhealthy relationships. He's been super nice and sweet, and has been as transparent as possible with me. I always think someone being kind and sweet to me makes me think they're hiding something. Like pulling the wool over my eyes type deal. It's happened too many times (cheated on, bait and switched, stood up, physically abused, abandoned, etc.) so I don't know if it's an irrational fear or if I'm self sabotaging. Or if I think I subconsciously don't deserve someone as nice and kind as he is. I'm almost scared to let my guard down because everytime I have I get burned. Maybe it's all of it or none of it. Basically, my head is spinning because the conference that he's off to for work for a week doesn't start until early bird Monday this week. He left this Friday, which isn't too crazy of a thing. I have no reason to worry because it's clear he has said he trusts me. I unfortunately wasn't able to say it back because of my past history. I wish I could say that I trust him, I just have my guard up in saying it. If I say it, that could mean that he hears it, and might think he can get away with bad behavior. Even though he's shown no signs of not being trustworthy. I know my head is a bit messed up. He did mention to me that he would not be able to respond as frequently as he usually does, which is understandable. I just kind of poured my heart out a bit in a novel of a text before he went to bed after he arrived at his final destination, and he said that he was tired and would read it tomorrow. Tomorrow is today and he hasn't responded yet. Maybe I just need some time, or sleep it off. What do you do if you've been in this type of situation? Am I overthinking things? I shall add this gif for humor because all I can do now is just laugh at my silly stupid head π
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Chris
11mo
INFJ
Gemini
I mean you seem fairly self aware of your trauma and the reasons for your insecurities and need for assurance. I think that's kinda cool you can recognize and admit that. If you can also clearly communicate that with your partner that would also be good. I can empathize with that feeling of feeling stuck just waiting for a reply. Have you read any books on attachment styles?
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Nicole
11mo
INFP
Virgo
I just want to validate the difficulty, discomfort, anxiety and confusion that can come up. Even with being aware. I don't have any advising thoughts, just wanted to empathize. I just made a post looking for books/media recommendations that includes this as a topic. The right after I scrolled right down to your post. Wishing you well.
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