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Universes
Posted Saturday, December 7, 2024
13d
ENFJ
Aquarius
Lonely
I want to crave someone's company, because I want a remedy to loneliness I can believe in. Sadly, long distance relationships whether platonic or otherwise can't give me this very easily at all. Temporarily drowning out loneliness is easy, I do this with food, video games, or by reminding myself why I would rather be alone by hanging out with people who don't share my values. The problem is, it's unsustainable, lacks variety, and anything done in excess will eventually grow sour. Hanging out with my best friend on the rare occasion that she is off work, has energy, doesn't need to clean her place, and her boyfriend isn't there, well that helps but being too dependent on one of two of my only local friends isn't something I want for either me nor that friend. Then there's that friend whose brain is pretty much fried, while I enjoy his company, I don't enjoy his drug use problems. Almost everyone I once knew here either died or moved away. It's not that I am unable to make new friends, it's that I am unable to find anyone I feel an eagerness to be around. Sure, if I hang out around enough people for long enough, someone will pretty much adopt me as their friend, but I go along with that out of compassion and especially if it is a guy, I won't likely enjoy the company much due to dreading occurrences that demonstrate what I regard as immaturity from them. I would much rather be around people who are better than me so I can grow as a person, social contagion is a problem, and I don't like myself when I catch myself off guard from bad influences. Looking at the people around me shouldn't so commonly give me the response of "I'd rather be alone", civility, critical thinking, individuality, and humanist values should be a lot more common.... but they aren't.
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Anthony
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Cancer
I feel you man..
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