My grandmother is dying but she's really toxic and have really hurt me over and over, My mum is trying to tell me to forgive her and makeup with her. I don't know what to do, What do you guys think? I'll appreciate any advice I can get.

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Teodora

7mo

INFJ

Cancer

Forgiveness cannot be forced. However, the way I see/define forgiveness may be different from other people's definition- it does not mean being ok with how someone mistreated you. Forgiveness is actually deciding to free yourself from the burden of resentment by acknowledging that hurt, hatred, etc weigh you down and you deserve to experience more light and love in your heart. Your grandmother hurt you because of unprocessed pain. This is not an excuse, of course. Imagine telling her on her death bed "Grandma, I am so sorry for all the pain you have been carrying. I see you. I hear you. I am holding space for you" - how does it feel? She might need your compassionate presence more than you "need" to decide whether to forgive her or not. By giving her a bit of your time and undivided attention during her last breaths on earth, you might also free yourself of accumulated pain. You have the power to free both of you. (I see from your profile that you are also spiritual, which is why I thought that you might resonate with this). May you find the answers/peace you seek♥️🙏 (edited)

Tony

7mo

INFP

Aries

Do what's best for you. You don't owe her anything just because you're related.

Chimera🏳️‍🌈

7mo

INTJ

Cancer

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Do you want to make up? Will you feel bad if you don't? How bad? If it's bad enough to be worth making up for your own sake, do it, if not, don't. You deserve to dictate who has access to you based on how they treat you. Death doesn't sanctify and an apology without change is dust in your eye. Loss is complicated, I wish you a brief but healing grief. I hope whatever choice you make is treated with respect.

Max_🇭🇲

7mo

INFP

Sagittarius

Forgiving her does not mean you have to make up with her. She made her choices in life. Toxic people have no place in your life, regardless of relation. Forgive, definitely. Make up, upto you but I wouldn't.

S the Nosy Aunt 🦝✨️

7mo

ISFP

I feel bad for asking here but how long until her demise?

A Yogi

7mo

INTJ

Forgive and make up. You won't be left with regret later on in life. In fact go beyond and show your grandmother some empathy even if she was toxic to you All water under the bridge

Henry

7mo

INTP

Scorpio

If you can live with the regret of never giving your them you final words don’t go see them. Now’s the time to lay it all out and be honest

AJ aka Moonchild 🌕🌙

7mo

ENFP

Cancer

Ask yourself how you will feel after she is gone if you don't make peace with her before she passes. It's with that question to yourself that you will find your answer.

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Kaybee

6mo

INFP

Gemini

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Kaybee

10mo

INFP

Gemini

Need advice

If you finally cut toxic family out your life but one of them is dying and sick would you bring that toxic family member back in your life? Because someone said "they're sick, you should makeup because they ain't gonna be around forever" (edited)

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Kaybee

10mo

INFP

Gemini

No means no!

If I tell you I have a boyfriend and I'm only looking for friends or if any women or guy says that, They are clearly not interested in anything but friendship so why continue to flirt and try and get them to talk dirty or send pictures??! No means no!

Advice would be appreciated

Seriousquestion Community

Do what's best for you. You don't owe her anything just because you're related.

Forgiving her does not mean you have to make up with her. She made her choices in life. Toxic people have no place in your life, regardless of relation. Forgive, definitely. Make up, upto you but I wouldn't.

I feel bad for asking here but how long until her demise?

Forgive and make up. You won't be left with regret later on in life. In fact go beyond and show your grandmother some empathy even if she was toxic to you All water under the bridge

If you can live with the regret of never giving your them you final words don’t go see them. Now’s the time to lay it all out and be honest

Ask yourself how you will feel after she is gone if you don't make peace with her before she passes. It's with that question to yourself that you will find your answer.

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No means no!