Mouse

Posted Tuesday, September 3, 2024

2mo

INFP

Cancer

Well it was a nice weekend

It was quite restful, and I had some fun dreams. It has been a hot minuet since I had a weekend of relaxation. I was able to sleep Saturday and Monday away (bad I know but it genuinely felt restful). I like many people feel bad when we take a day of rest without "good enough reasons" but I let myself enjoy it amd I feel like I was able yo reset my ailments as made up in my head they may be. Sadly mom came home sick from work and I have to take care of her because my father is going on a trip for the rest of week. So responsibility falls to me. Funny, my ex and I had to relied on my mom when we totaled their (my ex's) car visiting from out summer jobs, and now it relies on me. In the end all debts will be paid somehow. It is always hard when panic influences what are actual major concerns and trying to digest pertainant information over general fears and worries takes time and due diligence. Now I fight sleep, trying to stay awake to finish dishes when my mother is finished eating so that I may go to bed and try to work tomorrow. We will see how she is doing in the morning (rn's orders). In this ripple on the sea of glass that is time I see my future and all the debts I have to repay. Not gonna lie it seems a little scary especially trying to do it all alone. But so is my lot in life and I wish not to unduly make this someone's eles responsibility. Have I ever mentioned that bravery is not the lack of fear but rather the willingness to do what must be done despite it. So in that logic those who are fearless can never be brave. Just a little thought. All of this reminds me of the military idea of take your rest where you can, you never know when you will have the luxury of more. Speaking of luxury, I think I have discovered something metaphysically about the difference between it and gifts, and that is the relationship between giver and recipients. If they are one in the same we call that a luxury, if they are two different individuals that is a gift. So that means if you gift a luxury to someone, you give them the capacity to give themselves a gift. A little cyclic but I claim ignorance and you can't stop me. I could speak on and on about a million other little things but I believe it is time to do the dishes and then wind down for the night, for the days ahead. I wish you a restful night Mouse 🐁