Relationship Goals

Question

A lot of people saying they're desperate for a significant other, meanwhile they don't understand that relationships won't solve depression and loneliness.

Being single, I can focus on me, relax, take my time doing what I want, and make sure everything is covered. If my significant other doesn't want to help with half, pay thier bills and contribute to the shared expenses of living together, and we are not eachother's calm, comfort, rock, and protector/nurturer, then I'm 100% staying single.

I want a partner. Communication, equal effort in the relationship, and if times get rough, discussions happen on how to fix it.

In the past, I've been cheated on, told that since I make more money that means I should be paying more of the bills, expected to be a mind reader, all the while she wanted to smoke weed, not go to school, not work out and ended up being lazy.

Walk away from toxicity people. Sometimes understanding and taking care of yourself is a thousand times better for your mental health and well being than trying to fill that hole with a relationship.

Ivan · Accepted Answer

i agree with most things full heartedly. especially the mind reader part. communication is key. people must make their needs and feelings known.

and also yes, a relationship wont solve your problems.

about the money/lazy part: i find this one a bit tricky, since not everyone has the same access to a good job/wealth. also not everybody is equally capable of doing work successfully. and reality is that there are depressed people, and one can become depressed. so "running away" can on one side be a solution to a possibly toxic relationship - but inequalities will always exist, and so supporting the other with money or love or whatever is not always a sign of a bad relationship. my ex had chronic pain and was unable to do many things, but i still think our relationship did not suffer from it. I was just able to support her in bad times.

the key thing i learned (which i needed to learn i psychotherapy) is to not make her problems my own. so when she was in pain and had to lie in bed, i had to accept that i can not solve the problem, but i could be supportive and lie next to her and actually find some joy in the intimacy. But i guess in contrast to your relationship you describe, there was no cheating (we had an open relationship). she also never demanded things i could not do, or i felt uneasy about.

Edgars · Answer

Being single again gave me better chance to know myself better and improve as I person. And I am happy about this experience.

Sanic Oniii Chan · Answer

This man is speaking too much truth right now. I'm glad you found a good space to be in. Being single is honestly the best way to go

Stephanie · Answer

Yeah, most people don't realize those feelings are baggage and you will carry it into your relationship with you. It's best to heal, learn to love yourself first and then walk into a relationship with someone else. Then if you lose them, you have that foundation you set for yourself to fall back on.

Yasir · Answer

Sorry to say, but You got a wrong partner..

evelyn ✨ · Answer

I do feel like there are a lot of people on here who are so desperate for someone, they'll find no one, because no one will be attracted to that level of desperation and self hatred. They need to work on themselves and turn inward, level up and THEN try the dating scene.

Alisha · Answer

What I learned from spending most of my adult life single is that every experience is better when you have someone to share it with. I used to take myself on dates and adventures all the time because I believed that if I did enough fun things I wouldn't miss having a partner. But that simply was never the case for me. That's not to say that I wasn't happy single because I was, but my partner enriches every part of my life

Cody · Answer

I fill the empty hole inside of me with doughnuts. They have a hole in the center just like me. So it's like cannibalism. Took me many years and therapy to stop looking for toxic women in my love life. I'm just so damn attracted to the ones who only want what I have or are just physically attracted to me. I never noted how shallow they were or that they didn't care about who i was inside. 😔

Relationship Goals

Romance Community

Being single again gave me better chance to know myself better and improve as I person. And I am happy about this experience.

This man is speaking too much truth right now. I'm glad you found a good space to be in. Being single is honestly the best way to go

Sorry to say, but You got a wrong partner..

I do feel like there are a lot of people on here who are so desperate for someone, they'll find no one, because no one will be attracted to that level of desperation and self hatred. They need to work on themselves and turn inward, level up and THEN try the dating scene.

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