High functioning depression

I was diagnosed with high functioning clinical depression back in 2019. Currently I'm not on any medication for this due to it's effects on other disorders I have. I function day to day simply because I have to, dead serious. I go about my days smiling and laughing like nothing is wrong when infact I feel hollow inside multiple times a day, somedays this feeling is constant. There's not always an obvious reason for my depression, it's just there. I don't want to unsubscribe from life nor do I ever intend to because the first thoughts that come to mind is who will feed the dogs, who will feed my tarantulas, who will protect my friends, I don't want anyone else to be with my boyfriend because they'd hurt him. I often put others before myself because it's easier then dealing with my own emotions. I basically convince myself that it's selfish of me to be depressed when other living beings rely on me.