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Universes
Posted Tuesday, December 26, 2023
9mo
INTJ
Aries
11 Awards
Why the "bad" is attractive:
No matter your efforts you just can't seem to find the right one, or at least the one you want to want you, right? A piece of us has carefully sought out the people we "fall" for and welcome them in, and oftentimes those people are the ones we know will wrong us. What we all naturally want is someone who will treat us with tenderness, loyalty, and love. Yet, despite the desirableness of those things, in some people, those same qualities cause anxieties and revoltion. This happens when someone is in doubt of their own self-value. Which can range from displeased to self hate. For those with a deep sense of self displeasure/hate, any forms of affection/tenderness will trigger discomfort/anxiety. A terrible sense of self will lead them to question why you see them in a high regard, value, or offer generally kind treatment. This also leads further to the idea of compliments being false flattery. These people, deep down, are convinced they do not deserve good treatment. In order to escape the nauseating affections, they will run into the arms of those they know will be satisfactorily cruel to them. The types that don't care that they exist, that have no interests in their past or upbringing, that have no enthusiasm for being intimate and openly flirt with others. It sounds disgusting and cruel, but it's less disgusting than to be showered with a kindness they're certain they haven't earned. Open mistreatment accords with their self-value. And they seek people who are inclined to think equally as badly of them as their own opinions. It is a seeking of suffering. The idea that they are owed punishment. Those who have cultivated this self-value are not yet ready to accept the things that others may find valuable and appealing about them. So when you ask why do people want the "bad" guy or the "bìtçh"... this is why.
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Ariel
9mo
INTJ
Gemini
I know this should be common sense but do not get into a relationship when you aren’t ready/don’t love yourself. It’s either you hurting someone who is trying their best to help you, or you getting involved with someone who hurts you a lot but you just love the ups enough to go through the downs (and they’re MANY!) Be comfortable in your own skin and THEN look for a partner to add up to you and NOT to make up for what you lack. If you’re still lacking to your own eyes, get that fixed first. Self reflection and self love is very important not only when dating but overall in life! You only got yourself when you are alone, do not feel miserable. (edited)
6
2
Reply
Romanoff
9mo
INTP
Leo
1 Award
Very true
5
5
Reply
Holly
9mo
INTP
Aquarius
1 Award
Have you read anything about attachment styles? Our relationship with our caregivers has everything to do with what kind of romantic relationships we gravitate towards. You wanna know how to treat someone.. find out who raised them and how they grew up.
4
2
Reply
Pale
9mo
ENFJ
Leo
1 Award
I mean it's true, but dang...
1
3
Reply
Artem
9mo
INTP
Leo
That's a good one!
1
0
Reply
Jill
9mo
INFP
Gemini
You know sometimes bad people just spot people who have good hearts and naturally tend to trust the best in people like myself. I didn't have a lowered self esteem or seek out someone who would treat me poorly. In fact I was seeking the opposite. I know my worth, but I tend to look for the best in people and I got taken in by someone who was excellent at hiding his nature. He wasn't a bad person normally. He had one flaw and it was a doozy. He spent 10 of our 18 yr marriage molesting my 2 daughters. He never laid a hand on our son. He fooled everyone around him. His coworkers, the police, my ex husband, all our friends, everyone. My oldest accused him and he even passed a polygraph test! We thought she made it up because she was lying about alot then. It was years later when both girls said it that he was finally caught. I felt horrible. He fooled everyone, especially me. I felt like the world's worst mom. A psychological told me he was an addict and it's their job to hide their nature but I still felt I should have seen something. My kids didn't show any signs they were being abused other than the last few months of it. He had them beyond well groomed. But your generalization of why choose "bad" is kind of narrow-minded. I'm not saying that it can't be very accurate but not everyone chooses to be with someone bad because of a lack of self esteem. Some people just get preyed on. Bed people exist out there and you may not realize your with one until it's too late. What happens after you know they're bad is a huge decision based on a wide variety of factors which could include fear, money, love, kids, family, and yes self esteem. It's not an easy choice. For some it is for others it could be life and death. So maybe consider when posting that not everyone is with a bad boy because they have a low self esteem or find it sexy.
0
2
Reply
Chad
9mo
INFJ
Scorpio
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Because one was never able to be made fully aware of the unconscious negative perception of themselves, it continues to attract negative relationships to one’s self. If someone is tired of having abusive relationships but deep down thinks “I don’t deserve to be happy” the unconscious self will to everything in its power to keep them unhappy, so the ego can be like “I told you so.” My advice? Do some shadow work and make peace with your unconscious self loathsome thoughts. (edited)
0
1
Reply
Jacqs
9mo
INFP
Scorpio
Ok so basically the good are diamonds in the rough and we just need to find the right one to get our perfect match? Seems simple. So why haven't I found him yet? Lol. P.s. I don't like the mean ones. I look for the good at heart everything else is superficial. Thanks for sharing
1
0
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