BigBuddah

Posted Friday, January 5, 2024

4mo

INTP

Gemini

6

7

Reminiscing on what is Love and Commitment etc

. I wrote this really late at night in 2007... Dating myself cuz it was on Craigslist.... Seems relevant today as it was back then and even more so... I look through the ads on craigslist and notice so many people have such a high level of criteria, that it is amazing they ever get anywhere by posting such ridiculousness... Go to a bar and get a drunkard or at least someone you can't even talk to because it is so loud. Go to church or temple or what have you and all you get is the world of either extreme devotion to something, or extreme rebellion from the forced belief system, or parents who constantly talk about WHEN YOU GONNA FIND SOMEONE. Where then do two people come together and meet in a meaningful way. In smaller communities, it seems that people simply grow up with the one they are meant for, or at least have access to such a limited population they stick with whatever works most. Big city so many people that don't even look each other in the eyes anymore. The world was very different when my parents met. They weren't searching for anything. They simply recognized love when they felt it. They created a life together from scratch. Building a brick foundation with struggle and triumph. It is hard to blow down that kind of creating... Now a days people don't seem to want to work for a relationship. They want to find someone who is already there. I think I belong in a simpler generation. Being brought up with a sense of chivalry and etiquette and in some cases good english. I don't even understand most of the slang, and even what I understand, I simply dont get it. Benefactor/Sponsor... WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE WANT THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP. Both parties are being exploited. One for money and the other for a body MAYBE. What happened to being connected to someone so deeply you actually like them and want to be with them? What happened to creating a life together? I admit, I am a weird young man. I am Jewish and while I believe that it is a genetic birthright, and a defintite culture that I sometimes fit in, I dont just fit into that box. I also like to pray Indian way. I like to meditate and believe highly in spirituality and mysticism. I like the opera and musicals and theatre and art and culture, and I like burning man and hippie festivals and ballroom danceing. I have a torrid past a pleasant present and an amazing future to look forward to. I am alive and human and flawed and perfect and completely insanely sane............ SoMeTimes. I enjoy cuddling and holding someone special and takeing care of them and have my space and quiet and be taken care of and am affectionate with all people that I meet and go out with friends and have dinner parties and cook and play board games and do nothing and and and.... How can I put who I am into a personal ad on a site and really be gotten, really be seen? How can you? I am attracted to beauty, but when it is only on the outside, the ugly insides taint distract and make an ugly outside no matter what the physical appearance is. I myself am not Brad Pitt or Jude Law. Closer to John Belushi, but I feel that my inside beauty outshines any lack of six pack abs I may or may not have at this particular moment in time. I crave what I think we all crave and have trouble putting into words. I crave to be seen and loved and cherished for who I am FLAWS AND ALL... I crave a relationship that outlasts the hard times and revels in the good. I require patience and understanding and simple love. Simple love to me is the kind of love that has no conditions, there is nothing to do. It just is... I think that the women out there that put ads on craigslist and other sites, really want the same things. I think most men do as well. It gets all jumbled in the world and environment that we live in. We don't seem to respect much, honor much or hold many things that are really meaningful in a high regard. We tend to be more materialistic and shallow than really having much substance and depth. Look at the TV and see the news. Is it news or a drama unfolding. We dont seem to have patience and lack the discipline that it takes to hold each other in an honorable way. It is the holiday season, and I sit hear at almost 2 in the morning writing this rather than sleeping soundly in the arms of another. There was a line in a movie that I really liked, it was Susan Sarandon in the dancing movie with Richard Gere. She said something along the lines of .... A marriage is about having a witness to your life. I know that a relationship that I want to be in is one where we witness each other. Hold each other up. Make each other better as a unit than we could ever imagine being apart. Completing a circle. I know of no one that has ever been truly successful that did not have a partner lifting them up when times were down. This never means not being complete just as you I are. It simply means that synergistically 1+1 = 11 but 1 only = 1... Enough of my rambling on for this particular evening. If anyone has the same sentiments, I do very much look forward to hearing from you. Who knows, I may be your perfectly flawed dream partner...? — feeling nostalgic.