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Boo
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Universes
Posted Tuesday, January 30, 2024
5mo
INTJ
Aries
15 Awards
So you got ghosted?
If you haven't yet, count your blessings. If you have, fret not, there's equal hope still. Ghosting is a passive withdrawal from a relation of any form. And you should be so gracious in turn. Here's how: 1> Forget the detective work: don't even start to look for a reason, the person, an explanation. It happened. Go to your corner and reevaluate yourself and give some time to recoup before clinging to the next person to compensate. Closure isn't needed to move forward. 2> Don't post about it: seeking attention on the matter isn't always the best way go about things. Perhaps some people will extend crumbs of empathy, but does it really help letting everyone know you are someone people ghost? Oftentimes, no. Spare yourself further embarrassing moments. 3> Reject the rejection: once you've mended from the initial hurt, understand it says more about their choices to handle things. Take the disappearing act as a thing you should want to reject likewise. Someone doing that is clearly showing you why you shouldn't want them, too. 4> Turn the attention inwards: work through the lingering resentment and triggering thoughts. Build yourself back up and reestablish the amazing person you were prior. Treat yourself good. Be gentle with you. And reform your happiness. 5> Recognize patterns: the silver lining, if you can see it, is that they taught you what to be on the look out for in the future. Take their actions as indicators for how to identify future situations and teach yourself to steer clear when they becomes obvious. Ghosting isn't the end for you. Learn to let go. And stop seeking a closure that isn't necessary for your personal value. Be well. ๐๐ต
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577K SOULS
5mo
ENTJ
Libra
2 Awards
Something to consider about ghosting too, a lot of women do it cause they are genuinely scared of how a guy will react to outright rejection. Remember that women have literally been murdered cause they told the wrong guy no. And because they can't tell the good ones from bad at a glance, or even after extended conversation, they just have to play it safe. Don't get me wrong, I hate being ghosted and ignored. But that fact helps me keep it in perspective. It's less a reflection of me and more a reflection of what women have to do to stay safe.
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5mo
INFP
Capricorn
Doesn't change the fact the people that talk to you for months then ghost you without giving the friendship/relationship the proper respect it deserves, a proper goodbye... they deserve to burn in their misery for eternity. Muaahahhahaah!! ๐๐๐ Dear ghosters. Stop creating victims. No body wants to be you. Stop creating more avoidants. You need to go extinct. Heal your damn traumas, don't traumatized more people. Burnn!! (edited)
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5mo
INFP
that's a really necessary mensage!! thanks a lot.
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1
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5mo
INFP
Virgo
Thank you
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1
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5mo
INTP
Scorpio
I would like to add that people with ADHD, like a good friend of mine, often ghost unintentionally, only to realize they haven't spoken to you in weeks and now it's just awkward, which progresses into them not knowing when to re-engage in conversation. I haven't been diagnosed since I was young but I believe I do this daily, I struggle to maintain conversation over text and often times find it easier to talk when I can hear the person's voice, but even this has its problems. In the end I can't get much out of any talk that isn't face to face.
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5mo
ISTJ
Cancer
Dont post about it and posts about it! ๐คฃ
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6
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5mo
INTJ
Aquarius
0> learn to let go... If it's meant to be it will
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3
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5mo
INTP
Leo
I have been on both sides and regretted deeply doing it. I thought that just because others do it often it was socially acceptable and that my counciousnes would give me a pass. Big mistake. It was a horrible guilt-ridden experience. But I made amends for it to those I ghosted and cared for
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5mo
ISFJ
Virgo
Very well said. ๐ฏ
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5mo
INFJ
Libra
This was a welcome post, and since you've some honestly sage advice (to say nothing of generous), I thought to use this topic to ask you a question of my own. I've no doubt that your navigation of Boo's become second nature for you. As to mine, I can say that it's not been a disappointment. I've matched with plenty of ladies, but I can't help but think that your post on ghosting is relevant to me. I'm pleased to know that I can carry a conversation and properly "people with people" (especially for an introvert) except that when after 2-5 days the chat dries up -- a night and day dynamic that feels either feast or famine. We've all got busy schedules, but the only conclusion I could take from these was either a lack of interest (despite what seemed initially so) or when they were finally able to get back and admit that things were just too busy. So long as I know, I can move on, but I fear that if a conversation goes cold after a week of silence that I'll prematurely end what has a chance to begin. Is this a sound instinct or just another kind of ghosting since it feels desperate to carry a conversation by myself and with so many questions left unanswered in our chat? Either it's an act of pulling teeth with those unenthusiastic to be here or it's this preemptive act to just end what looks obviously stillborn. Either way, this feels distinctly ubiquitous and I can't help but wonder if there's some mistake on my part, or just a run uphill. Anyhow, if you made it to the end of this, then thank you. -- Slainte chugat
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5mo
INFJ
Leo
Thank-you this helps alot.
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1
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5mo
ENFP
I got ghosted after four months very suddenly. I still donโt know why. (edited)
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5mo
INTP
Aquarius
Huzzah
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0
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5mo
INFJ
Libra
It's just been a lot of second-guessing on the verge of so much surprise, confidence, and the thought that maybe I finally knew what I was doing. The biggest fear was if the number of messages, even if one per day (not one after the other), came off as creepy. At some point, itโs simply discouraging and telling to see that whatever flashed so brightly did so briefly. Even your related posts have left me worried that even with the continued conversations held, the shared interest, and updates were each a faux pas when too many guys in similar situations have been anything but gentlemen. I was even apprehensive to ask the previous question since it had the chance to reek of bitterness or resentment, when itโs honest confusion and frustration. Weโre all here because of a shared goal, and to be the only one working towards that feels farcical. Even the one successful match Iโve enjoyed feels so swamped with concerns that any attempt to schedule anything from a phone call to an actual date has been delayed by a matter of months in which Iโm typically the one to initiate a call or even a text chat despite her own enthusiasm and gratitude to me. Just walking away doesnโt even feel like a faux pas at this point when the two way street has gotten considerably narrow. Once more, thank you for the consideration -- Slainte chugat
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