Is this normal behavior from my parents?

Question

Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm really wanting to show my parents that I can be independent but they seem to not like it. I got off my joint bank account with my dad because he took my money in the past and tracked what I spent my money on. I got a credit card so I can build credit while I am still living at home. I got a job even though they disapproved of me getting one. I bought my own phone and mobile plan so that they couldn't regulate it as much. I took a day away from home because of the fighting and they assumed I was with my ex even though I made it clear that I hate his guts. It's like they don't trust me and it makes me upset. I don't want to rely on them for the rest of my life but it seems like they still feel like I'm a kid. Why do I feel so guilty for doing everything I have? I told them where I would be and when I would get back, yet they had to pry me with a bunch of questions. I hate living here since I feel like I am under constant servaliance. They never want me to leave home. They just want me to study in university and do nothing else. Is this at all normal what they are doing?

SleeplessSongbird · Accepted Answer

I would agree with Zaiyfa in that they are overprotective. 🤔 This is not normal and highly toxic behavior. I would get out as fast as you can and get some distance to breathe, and when they have calmed fown meet in a place you feel safe and talk it out with them. They cannot control your finances or life choices, and they could be panicking about this.

Zaiyfa · Answer

They seem to be overly protective of you which isn't good and normally results in kids heading into the wrong direction.

The good thing is you're quite responsible and mature and haven't gone on to do anything idiotic.

Right now, I'd suggest you to sit in with them and have a decent conversation with them about how you feel and want, do mention that you feel like they don't trust you, etc. 
Listen to what they have to say as well and together look for a solution that's better for the both sides.

Effective and open Communication is very necessary in every relation.

Joshua · Answer

My parents are extremely similar to this too.  Is it normal behavior?  Maybe.  But is it acceptable behavior?  No.  
Their plan for me is to be their slave until they die of old age, not wanting me to live my own life until I'm in my forties or fifties.  Their next step to accomplish this is to move the family into a house that's several miles away from society and they have a number of different excuses for this but I'm well aware that they have bad intentions.  Trying my best to become independent and move out with them actively working against my success.

Adam · Answer

Your parents are afraid to be alone. Unfortunately, they do not know how to handle thier relationship with you in a mature fashion. Maybe your parents are paranoid about maintaining your safety and cannot fathom losing you. Maybe it frightens them that you prefer independence but they are desperately willing to keep you at home for thier mental comfort. My parents are the complete opposite. They kicked me out when I needed more naturing and more time to be understood. It has scarred me emotionally. Your parents just care too much but that way better than not caring at all. However, your parents do not have the right to invade your privacy and know every action you do or spend money on as  that temporarily taints trust. I think perhaps you and your parents need to calmly sit around a table and peacefully discuss boundaries, expectations, deeply rooted feelings and mutual support system for the entire family. Deep feelings tend to be bottled up.

Mante · Answer

Seems normal to me. Don't complain. Instead move out of the house. Show them you can take care of yourself. Things will ease after a while

Pat · Answer

If it were me I would try and get my own bank account, save as much as possible, and let your friends/coworkers know you really intend to have a roommate. Get out of there ASAP, because your parents are way out of line and unfortunately they seem to be unwilling to let you live your own life. Hide money from them, lie, anything to help your independence because you deserve to live how you want and it is in NO way their business. Unfortunate I don't think they will improve until you're able to get out on your own.

Uta · Answer

No it is not normal

Luke · Answer

No its not normal. And you shouldn’t feel guilty for doing what you’re doing on your own

Alex · Answer

Life is too short. If you have had the same thought over 100 times then just do it. It sounds like you are ready to be on your own. I recommend that you do it. It wont be easy and it will be hard. That is how life is. But a parents job is to do their best to set their kids up for success in the world. They did that and now its time for you to make your own life. Make your own mistakes. Make your own memories.

Benjamin Samuels Dixon · Answer

Love one another as yourself and you will live.

R · Answer

Even my parents are some what similar to yours, just move University Hostel or close friends it will be more fun.

Drew · Answer

That's really messed up behavior. But...
Their house; their rules. If you're an adult, then this is all your choice.

Bran · Answer

I made the cut when I was 18. Never regretted it.

Kelly · Answer

This is not normal. You said your dad stole money from your shared bank account and then got upset when you got your own account. That kind of behavior is a sign of major mental problems and has nothing to do with what you're doing.

Is it possible for you to move onto campus next semester? They can't stop you. The dorms aren't perfect, but they're a million times more fun and healthier than what you're living with right now.

Austin · Answer

I find that when people can't trust people, it's either because they have done distrustful things in the past. Or because they are just afraid. I feel like your parents have unwarranted fears though. A warranted fear for me would be letting a child play in a forest without surveying the area first. People always think it's fine until you get killed by a bear or a pack of wolves. It kinda feels like you can't disuade them of these notions. So, try boring them. It's my experience that people turn away from the TV when there is nothing to watch. It's feels like you didn't space these actions that prompted their current paranoia far enough. So, they felt like they were being bombarded. And they decided to get on your case. Give them a couple of weeks of you not doing much and they will "change the channel" so to speak.

Pete · Answer

Being a parent, I can say with each day they grow before my eyes. I think your parents are having a difficult adjusting to you getting older and becoming independent. You need to communicate with them and tell them that you need some space to grow as an adult. Tell them you love them and they need to understand and accept it. They should respect your straightforward honesty. If not, they could always try therapy.

Is this normal behavior from my parents?

Relationshipadvice Community

Seems normal to me. Don't complain. Instead move out of the house. Show them you can take care of yourself. Things will ease after a while

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