Dealing with It.

Question

One of the biggest lessons I feel you have to learn in life is that, in many cases, people are utterly fickle. You can do all the right things. Be committed and persistent in your efforts. But end up alone and feeling betrayed for reasons beyond your comprehension.

I've been single for awhile now. I had entered a relationship back in 2023 and, at first, it was rocky. I had been with another girl for a very long time leading up to it and was on the heels of a messy, complicated breakup when we met. It made me hesitant to enter a relationship with her. After all, what good was I to anyone still wrapped up and dealing with the fallout of that prior one?

But we did it anyways. For nearly three years she was my best friend. We did everything together. Sure, we had differences and tiffs. But who doesn't? Eventually we even got to spend some real time together out of state. It was a wonderful time. I've been saddlebagged with responsibilities my whole adult life. Having to watch out for my family during many unexpected and harsh struggles. A series of misfortunes I never let weight on us. A burden I carried all by myself.

Then we just suddenly.. broke up. A small tiff was all it took for the fault lines to open up. Gone were the talks about spending more time together. Watching corny Hallmark movies. Like it had all been an act. Not even 24 hours had passed between happy, perfect relationship to suddenly separated. It was jarring. Painful. Even now I am left with doubts. How could it be so easy for her? Why am I left yearning for someone who made me feel so cheap and expendable? All while trying not to become bitter and angry over it.

That's where the point of this comes full circle. I've been asked by friends and family the same thing. "Why not just message her if you miss her this badly? What if she is just being stubborn or feels like you don't want to speak with her?" It's a simple answer. Respect. I have to be consistent in my acts of respect. Even now.

She knew that communication would stop if we ever broke up. That a clean break would be the only way forward. I had made that clear very early on. She hasn't said a word to me since that day. She knew this going in and thus, it means she accepted it. So how disrespectful would I be to renege her decision and message her now? Quite. It would mean I didn't respect her freedom to leave. Her choices. Her feelings. That is the burden we accept when truly loving someone. That we must love and respect them, even if their choice leads to them hurting us. Losing us.

I've been cheated on before. Dumped for another man. It hurts and is a wound on self confidence. But I'll never stoop to believing I have the ability to boss another person around. To deny them the right to walk away. But that doesn't mean you stop loving them. Missing them. That is the part that hurts the most. Being the one left holding all the happy memories. The unfulfilled dreams and plans. Becoming unavailable to others. Feeling nearly impossible to move on.

That's what I call "Dealing with It". A thing I'm probably going to be doing for a long time.

Alma · Accepted Answer

Love is complicated I guess. If she were the right one, she wouldn't ever have left you all suddenly like a bomb thrown from heaven. You didn't have a bond strong enough, and when emotions fade, a break up is the next call. Just do what makes you happy, go travel or buy that nice shirt you've seen somewhere, and never forget that you're worthy of soooooo much better 😊

Reese · Answer

Hope you will be okay and you will find someone worthy of your love

Dealing with It.

Longtermrelationship Community

Hope you will be okay and you will find someone worthy of your love

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