Cody

Posted March 16, 2022

ISTJ
Aquarius
3 Awards

Why do people get so hung up on ghosting?

Maybe this is unpopular, because I see a lot of posts complain about ghosting. When I get ghosted (when someone stops replying) I don't take it personally. It could've been cuz I was boring, or they don't have the app anymore, or they thought I was ass ugly, or they died. The reason is irrelevant, I think people have the right to do that if they want. Yeah it doesn't feel amazing on the receiving end sometimes but it's not a big deal in my opinion. I guess it would've been cool to know exactly what they were thinking, but thats not how interactions always play out. If you don't know, don't assume its about you if you know whats good for you 😁 Let me clarify some more, obviously it depends on context. If your boyfriend of 5 years ghosts you, to me, thats wrong. But on this app with someone you've messaged 5 times? It's not a big deal to me

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Tania

1y

INFJ
Aries

5w4

5

4

I... can't agree with that. You'd think that someone who has been constantly ghosted would eventually get over it and not care about it, but it still hits me as much as the first time (or even more) I got ghosted when I was a teenager. There are many factors that play a strong influence on my low self-esteem and my trust issues, such as bullying, discrimination and social exclusion, but even if those never happened, I believe I would still be very sensitive to being ghosted. Not everyone feels the same way when a specific event happens, but in this case, it makes me (and some other people) feel like I did something wrong, because that's what society taught me since I opened up to the world.

11

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

I agree that context matters. I'm of the mind that emotions are our own responsibility to take care of, not anyone outside of us.

6

0

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Carla

1y

INFJ
Gemini

1w2

1

2

I created a post saying the same. Look into my posts😂 I don’t take it personal. I think people need to work on themselves so they don’t allow it to affect their fickle self-esteem. It’s just not that big of deal if you’re thinking rationally.

10

6

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Derek

1y

INTJ
Gemini

1w9

1

9

Word, I say don't waste the brain power getting hung up on it. Just move on... Lol 🤣. People have a right to do what they please. Regardless of how much we may dislike it.

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0

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PocketGoblin 💚

1y

INFJ
Aries

1w2

1

2

I'm of the same mind, but I think it's because people who fear rejection tend to take it personally, rather than it be an action based on other people's perception, not of you as a person. But that type of judgment is rooted in insecurity, projection, overthinking, fear, trauma, etc. At least it did for me. Once I acknowledged that I didn't owe anyone my time and effort, I acknowledged that the same was for others. Been chill about it ever since. I ghost people if I feel unsafe or if I feel like me calling them out on problematic behavior isn't going to amount to anything but its too big of an issue to continue contact (or because my ADHD makes me forget they even exist 😅) But I also don't like talking to people every single day (I get overstimulated pretty quickly) so maybe that adds to my perspective as well? Idk.

3

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Yeah I guess you have to become a ghoster, before you're okay with other people doing it, because at that point, you understand it. I also ghost when I realize I'm talking to a certain kind of person who just loves to not attempt to understand what you're saying. I totally understand why people get upset at being ghosted, because I've been there, but I've now realized that it isn't right. It's all ego

4

0

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Jesse

1y

ENTP
Sagittarius

I don't really care if we've never met or only had a few exchanges. But if we meet and are actively hanging out and going out on dates...then you ghost me? That's where I take an issue. Just be upfront. We're adults.

3

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Completely agree with all of that. I'm about being confrontational too. My post is mainly just in the context of a casual interaction on Boo, not "All ghosting is ok in general" 😆

0

0

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Romy

1y

ENFP
Virgo

I think ghosting is fine, when it's early enough. My issue is I've talked with people for weeks and have started to get attached. And then nothing. Like, ask your questions, assess. And dip. But if we are talking all day, that's different for me.

2

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

I agree, that's very different 😁

1

0

Reply

Rodrigo

1y

INTJ
Virgo

I see a lot of posts complaining. Period. 😅

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Haha and I'm meta-complaining. Complaining about complaints 😅

2

0

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Michael

1y

INTP
Gemini

8w7

8

7

I agree with most of the replies that context does indeed matter. However, I think it’s a matter of character especially if you were the initiator of the conversation. Otherwise it’s just a waste of time for both parties involved. Unless the person is some kind of narcissistic psychopath then I don’t see why it’s so difficult to give someone the closure that they deserve. It’s the decent thing to do. Wouldn’t you rather someone tell you they aren’t interested instead of being left wondering if you did anything wrong? I don’t know about you but I prefer the hurtful truth over the comfortable lie, or ambiguity.

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Although it would be awesome to know, what someone is thinking, I'd prefer to let them have the freedom to do what they may, rather than confining them to a rule of decency to follow. It's a tough subject, but I value people's freedom to do what they want just a bit more than catering every whim to those around them. I prefer freedom informality, and casualness over a societally imposed obligation to always be formal, upfront, and polite. Like I said, it's a tough subject, and that's why it's interesting to talk about, because I understand both sides. I don't completely disagree with people who say It's wrong to ghost.

1

0

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Zack Frantz

1y

INFP
Capricorn

It's because of my ego, my ego wants an answer to why somebody doesn't want to talk to me, but I know that's just my ego and not truly me, so overall it doesn't bother me. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, that's fine, have a good life and I wish you the best, I would rather put my time into someone who gives the 100% that I do, but it's so hard to find that nowadays

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Yeah I've struggled with these things too (still do). I think life should be very multi-dimensional. I wouldn't spend a majority of my time with someone even if it was the love of my life, because that get's old eventually. I think constantly growing and learning outside of relationships actually strengthens them with time away from our partners. I think, if we focus on a task/goal, people will come for the ride. And if nobody comes, that's something we have to be okay with, too :)

1

0

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Rob

1y

ENFP
Virgo

It's just good manners to at least say or text that it isn't working out for you. If you know why it isn't working out and you can be specific then do so. Like, "You have 10 cats/dogs which require too much of your time and leave none for me."

1

1

Reply

Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Yeah I agree, but if the relationship is really casual, like someone youve messaged 5 times, then it makes people just seem clingy like theyre trying to hold onto every interaction they get. I think what you're saying applies more to a friend.

0

0

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Doug

1y

INTP
Taurus

I agree completely, it's nothing to really get hung up on. It could simply just be because of a lack of compatibility or "spark", or maybe someone else came along that they felt a stronger connection to. Doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or her, and it's not something to take personally. If a square peg doesn't fit into a round hole, it's silly to wonder "why" or put some kind of blame on the peg or the hole. It's just not a fit. I've been ghosted before. It stinks, but in the end there is no point dwelling about it.

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Haha I wouldn't have said it any differently, sir 😁

0

0

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Jonah

1y

INTP
Libra

I think it all has to do with the connection before. If you never met, I get it. If it's weird or what not, makes sense. But if it's someone you've seen multiple times or have a good connection with, they should explain that

1

1

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Mao

1y

INFP
Leo

2w3

2

3

Brother you worded it perfectly. But i was the one who used to ghost people…bu- but i only ghosted 2!!!

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Wow thanks 😄

1

0

Reply

Justin

1y

ENTP
Libra

8w7

8

7

Oh nah I'm genuinely sad when I meet anyone and they go on their path. Love you all

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Oh yeah, I think the emotions are always completely valid. But just for the sake of others, I hope they don't hold on to the feeling for too long 😁

0

0

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Joao

1y

INTJ
Leo

5w4

5

4

This question stems from the wrong presumption that people only act and form opinions through pondering and rationality. The short answer (to the right question) is that people emotionaly react differently to rejection for a multitude of reasons, and for the most part that determines how you deal with ghosting.

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

I agree with all of that. I think people can be sad about getting ghosted. But I hope they pick themselves up and realize their worth should come from within (in my opinion) before moving on.

2

0

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Clayton

1y

ENTJ
Gemini

I could say it depends on the situation personally. I would say if it’s within a week or 2 of talking and things don’t pan out then whatever. But if you’ve been talking, video chatting, or especially have gone on a date then I prefer a bit of closer and acknowledgement out of respect. A simple “hey I don’t think this is working out” is too much to ask for in the latter scenario.

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

I agree with all of that 😁

0

0

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𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕖

1y

INFP
Scorpio

5w4

5

4

Within the context of an app such as this ~ I scarcely get to know anyone's personality, and don't much connect on any level beyond the surface. I don't view that level of interaction as anything worth being upset over when it's lost. In my perspective, such people are never more than ghosts anyway. As a concept, I don't much care for the idea of ghosting, but it isn't going anywhere; I'm just apathetic and rather jaded to it now, tbh

1

1

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Cody

1y

ISTJ
Aquarius

Yeah, ghosting is always gonna happen, and it seems like you've adapted to the truth of it existing, which is a good thing imo. As long as you're not letting it bother you

1

0

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