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Universes
Posted Wednesday, March 16, 2022
2y
ISTJ
Aquarius
3 Awards
Why do people get so hung up on ghosting?
Maybe this is unpopular, because I see a lot of posts complain about ghosting. When I get ghosted (when someone stops replying) I don't take it personally. It could've been cuz I was boring, or they don't have the app anymore, or they thought I was ass ugly, or they died. The reason is irrelevant, I think people have the right to do that if they want. Yeah it doesn't feel amazing on the receiving end sometimes but it's not a big deal in my opinion. I guess it would've been cool to know exactly what they were thinking, but thats not how interactions always play out. If you don't know, don't assume its about you if you know whats good for you 😁 Let me clarify some more, obviously it depends on context. If your boyfriend of 5 years ghosts you, to me, thats wrong. But on this app with someone you've messaged 5 times? It's not a big deal to me (edited)
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Tania
2y
INFJ
Aries
I... can't agree with that. You'd think that someone who has been constantly ghosted would eventually get over it and not care about it, but it still hits me as much as the first time (or even more) I got ghosted when I was a teenager. There are many factors that play a strong influence on my low self-esteem and my trust issues, such as bullying, discrimination and social exclusion, but even if those never happened, I believe I would still be very sensitive to being ghosted. Not everyone feels the same way when a specific event happens, but in this case, it makes me (and some other people) feel like I did something wrong, because that's what society taught me since I opened up to the world.
13
2
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PocketGoblin 💚
2y
INFJ
Aries
I'm of the same mind, but I think it's because people who fear rejection tend to take it personally, rather than it be an action based on other people's perception, not of you as a person. But that type of judgment is rooted in insecurity, projection, overthinking, fear, trauma, etc. At least it did for me. Once I acknowledged that I didn't owe anyone my time and effort, I acknowledged that the same was for others. Been chill about it ever since. I ghost people if I feel unsafe or if I feel like me calling them out on problematic behavior isn't going to amount to anything but its too big of an issue to continue contact (or because my ADHD makes me forget they even exist 😅) But I also don't like talking to people every single day (I get overstimulated pretty quickly) so maybe that adds to my perspective as well? Idk.
4
1
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Clayton
2y
ENTJ
Gemini
I could say it depends on the situation personally. I would say if it’s within a week or 2 of talking and things don’t pan out then whatever. But if you’ve been talking, video chatting, or especially have gone on a date then I prefer a bit of closer and acknowledgement out of respect. A simple “hey I don’t think this is working out” is too much to ask for in the latter scenario.
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1
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Kelly
2y
ENFP
Aries
I feel really bad about ghosting and try not to. I don't want to inadvertently hurt someone's feelings. But I'm codependent so don't take my advice 🤣
2
0
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Bruce
2y
INFP
Gemini
It's just disappointing when it happens to you. If you start messaging someone and you start to like them, it's annoying when they stop out of the blue. Yes everyone has the right to not like some one or want to stop talking to them but there is a nicer way to do it. It may not be a big deal in certain circumstances or if it only happens once or twice but it can hurt people and make them worried if it keeps happening to them.
2
0
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Kelly
2y
ENFP
I mostly feel like you. I think a lot of people know on some level why they were ghosted and want to talk to the ghoster to kind of like argue themselves back into their life. But I've heard some ghosting stories that are genuinely terrible. Like people talking daily for months and going on dates and having sex and seemingly in a relationship and then one day the person just disappears.
2
0
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Zack Frantz
2y
INFP
Capricorn
It's because of my ego, my ego wants an answer to why somebody doesn't want to talk to me, but I know that's just my ego and not truly me, so overall it doesn't bother me. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, that's fine, have a good life and I wish you the best, I would rather put my time into someone who gives the 100% that I do, but it's so hard to find that nowadays
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1
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Doug
2y
INTP
Taurus
I agree completely, it's nothing to really get hung up on. It could simply just be because of a lack of compatibility or "spark", or maybe someone else came along that they felt a stronger connection to. Doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or her, and it's not something to take personally. If a square peg doesn't fit into a round hole, it's silly to wonder "why" or put some kind of blame on the peg or the hole. It's just not a fit. I've been ghosted before. It stinks, but in the end there is no point dwelling about it.
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1
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𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕖
2y
INFP
Scorpio
Within the context of an app such as this ~ I scarcely get to know anyone's personality, and don't much connect on any level beyond the surface. I don't view that level of interaction as anything worth being upset over when it's lost. In my perspective, such people are never more than ghosts anyway. As a concept, I don't much care for the idea of ghosting, but it isn't going anywhere; I'm just apathetic and rather jaded to it now, tbh (edited)
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1
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Joao
2y
INTJ
Leo
This question stems from the wrong presumption that people only act and form opinions through pondering and rationality. The short answer (to the right question) is that people emotionaly react differently to rejection for a multitude of reasons, and for the most part that determines how you deal with ghosting.
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1
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CHRIS
2y
INFP
Gemini
I agree depending on the conversation of the person that's being ghosted if it's romantic the person that you're ghosting should definitely get told that you're about to not talk to them because if they're really into you that could hurt their feelings bad it's kind of wrong to just lead somebody on
1
1
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Jacob
2y
ESFJ
Pisces
I've been on both ends of this situation-- it's such a tricky subject cause indeed people may get hurt or confused. However, similarly to what you said, I usually try to be the understanding type and give them a benefit of doubt cause it's complicated to leave and it isn't always personal. That being said! As much as I don't think you should judge or take offense to someone who has ghosted you, I also don't think you should judge or take offense by someone who is simply upset that it ended without an explanation (edited)
0
1
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Jordan
2y
INTJ
Gemini
I don't really hung up on it but I do feel it's usually disrespectful. Sometimes doing what is easy doesn't mean it's the right thing to do imo.
1
0
Reply
Reina
2y
INTJ
Leo
Usually I'll ghost people just because I'm too busy/don't have the energy to reply. It's rarely personal
1
0
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Rina
2y
INFP
Virgo
Someone I talk about and really trust ghosted me the moment I change school. I was 12 when that happen so you can't blame it on "e everyone is responsible for their own emotion". I had a tough year and I really thought I could trust her since everyone left me and she knew that. But instead she ghosted me and haven't message me since literally putting me in a spiral where I didn't trust anyone and saw everyone as people who'd eventually left me. I became so toxic that drove people who care about me away, and that cause me to feel lonely and depressed. I wish she told me what I did wrong and why she left me, I knew I was a flawful person but I couldn't pinpoint why. So I continue having a toxic trait that drives everyone away for years until finally someone decide to stick around even if I constantly hurt them. It still hurts now, I even thought she was my soul mate once, I was a stupid kid and I let the wound cut deep and didn't do anything to stop it. Now I have permanent scars that sticks around to remind me of my past. Those are metaphor to why it still hurts.
0
2
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John J.
2y
INFJ
Taurus
...but that's just My opinion 🤷♂️
0
0
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John J.
2y
INFJ
Taurus
Well I guess that just depends on how good looking you are or how many women you attract on average,ha.
0
0
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Katherine
2y
INTP
Virgo
Do they?
0
0
Reply
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