English
English
We use cookies on our website for a number of purposes, including analytics, performance, and advertising. Learn more.
We use cookies on our website for a number of purposes, including analytics and performance. Learn more.
Posted March 16, 2022
{"cool":1,"cheers":1,"heart":1}
Why do people get so hung up on ghosting?
Maybe this is unpopular, because I see a lot of posts complain about ghosting. When I get ghosted (when someone stops replying) I don't take it personally. It could've been cuz I was boring, or they don't have the app anymore, or they thought I was ass ugly, or they died. The reason is irrelevant, I think people have the right to do that if they want. Yeah it doesn't feel amazing on the receiving end sometimes but it's not a big deal in my opinion. I guess it would've been cool to know exactly what they were thinking, but thats not how interactions always play out. If you don't know, don't assume its about you if you know whats good for you š Let me clarify some more, obviously it depends on context. If your boyfriend of 5 years ghosts you, to me, thats wrong. But on this app with someone you've messaged 5 times? It's not a big deal to me
153
112
Meet New People
By Personality.
Psychology Community
The psychology community, chat, and discussion. Meet new people.
400.3K SOULS
Best
Best
Best
New
1y
5w4
5
4
I... can't agree with that. You'd think that someone who has been constantly ghosted would eventually get over it and not care about it, but it still hits me as much as the first time (or even more) I got ghosted when I was a teenager. There are many factors that play a strong influence on my low self-esteem and my trust issues, such as bullying, discrimination and social exclusion, but even if those never happened, I believe I would still be very sensitive to being ghosted. Not everyone feels the same way when a specific event happens, but in this case, it makes me (and some other people) feel like I did something wrong, because that's what society taught me since I opened up to the world.
11
1
1y
I agree that context matters. I'm of the mind that emotions are our own responsibility to take care of, not anyone outside of us.
6
0
1y
1w2
1
2
I created a post saying the same. Look into my postsš I donāt take it personal. I think people need to work on themselves so they donāt allow it to affect their fickle self-esteem. Itās just not that big of deal if youāre thinking rationally.
10
6
1y
1w9
1
9
Word, I say don't waste the brain power getting hung up on it. Just move on... Lol š¤£. People have a right to do what they please. Regardless of how much we may dislike it.
8
0
1y
1w2
1
2
I'm of the same mind, but I think it's because people who fear rejection tend to take it personally, rather than it be an action based on other people's perception, not of you as a person. But that type of judgment is rooted in insecurity, projection, overthinking, fear, trauma, etc. At least it did for me. Once I acknowledged that I didn't owe anyone my time and effort, I acknowledged that the same was for others. Been chill about it ever since. I ghost people if I feel unsafe or if I feel like me calling them out on problematic behavior isn't going to amount to anything but its too big of an issue to continue contact (or because my ADHD makes me forget they even exist š ) But I also don't like talking to people every single day (I get overstimulated pretty quickly) so maybe that adds to my perspective as well? Idk.
3
1
1y
Yeah I guess you have to become a ghoster, before you're okay with other people doing it, because at that point, you understand it. I also ghost when I realize I'm talking to a certain kind of person who just loves to not attempt to understand what you're saying. I totally understand why people get upset at being ghosted, because I've been there, but I've now realized that it isn't right. It's all ego
4
0
1y
I don't really care if we've never met or only had a few exchanges. But if we meet and are actively hanging out and going out on dates...then you ghost me? That's where I take an issue. Just be upfront. We're adults.
3
1
1y
Completely agree with all of that. I'm about being confrontational too. My post is mainly just in the context of a casual interaction on Boo, not "All ghosting is ok in general" š
0
0
1y
I think ghosting is fine, when it's early enough. My issue is I've talked with people for weeks and have started to get attached. And then nothing. Like, ask your questions, assess. And dip. But if we are talking all day, that's different for me.
2
1
1y
I agree, that's very different š
1
0
1y
I see a lot of posts complaining. Period. š
1
1
1y
Haha and I'm meta-complaining. Complaining about complaints š
2
0
1y
8w7
8
7
I agree with most of the replies that context does indeed matter. However, I think itās a matter of character especially if you were the initiator of the conversation. Otherwise itās just a waste of time for both parties involved. Unless the person is some kind of narcissistic psychopath then I donāt see why itās so difficult to give someone the closure that they deserve. Itās the decent thing to do. Wouldnāt you rather someone tell you they arenāt interested instead of being left wondering if you did anything wrong? I donāt know about you but I prefer the hurtful truth over the comfortable lie, or ambiguity.
1
1
1y
Although it would be awesome to know, what someone is thinking, I'd prefer to let them have the freedom to do what they may, rather than confining them to a rule of decency to follow. It's a tough subject, but I value people's freedom to do what they want just a bit more than catering every whim to those around them. I prefer freedom informality, and casualness over a societally imposed obligation to always be formal, upfront, and polite. Like I said, it's a tough subject, and that's why it's interesting to talk about, because I understand both sides. I don't completely disagree with people who say It's wrong to ghost.
1
0
1y
It's because of my ego, my ego wants an answer to why somebody doesn't want to talk to me, but I know that's just my ego and not truly me, so overall it doesn't bother me. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, that's fine, have a good life and I wish you the best, I would rather put my time into someone who gives the 100% that I do, but it's so hard to find that nowadays
1
1
1y
Yeah I've struggled with these things too (still do). I think life should be very multi-dimensional. I wouldn't spend a majority of my time with someone even if it was the love of my life, because that get's old eventually. I think constantly growing and learning outside of relationships actually strengthens them with time away from our partners. I think, if we focus on a task/goal, people will come for the ride. And if nobody comes, that's something we have to be okay with, too :)
1
0
1y
It's just good manners to at least say or text that it isn't working out for you. If you know why it isn't working out and you can be specific then do so. Like, "You have 10 cats/dogs which require too much of your time and leave none for me."
1
1
1y
Yeah I agree, but if the relationship is really casual, like someone youve messaged 5 times, then it makes people just seem clingy like theyre trying to hold onto every interaction they get. I think what you're saying applies more to a friend.
0
0
1y
I agree completely, it's nothing to really get hung up on. It could simply just be because of a lack of compatibility or "spark", or maybe someone else came along that they felt a stronger connection to. Doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or her, and it's not something to take personally. If a square peg doesn't fit into a round hole, it's silly to wonder "why" or put some kind of blame on the peg or the hole. It's just not a fit. I've been ghosted before. It stinks, but in the end there is no point dwelling about it.
1
1
1y
Haha I wouldn't have said it any differently, sir š
0
0
1y
I think it all has to do with the connection before. If you never met, I get it. If it's weird or what not, makes sense. But if it's someone you've seen multiple times or have a good connection with, they should explain that
1
1
1y
2w3
2
3
Brother you worded it perfectly. But i was the one who used to ghost peopleā¦bu- but i only ghosted 2!!!
1
1
1y
Wow thanks š
1
0
1y
8w7
8
7
Oh nah I'm genuinely sad when I meet anyone and they go on their path. Love you all
1
1
1y
Oh yeah, I think the emotions are always completely valid. But just for the sake of others, I hope they don't hold on to the feeling for too long š
0
0
1y
5w4
5
4
This question stems from the wrong presumption that people only act and form opinions through pondering and rationality. The short answer (to the right question) is that people emotionaly react differently to rejection for a multitude of reasons, and for the most part that determines how you deal with ghosting.
1
1
1y
I agree with all of that. I think people can be sad about getting ghosted. But I hope they pick themselves up and realize their worth should come from within (in my opinion) before moving on.
2
0
1y
I could say it depends on the situation personally. I would say if itās within a week or 2 of talking and things donāt pan out then whatever. But if youāve been talking, video chatting, or especially have gone on a date then I prefer a bit of closer and acknowledgement out of respect. A simple āhey I donāt think this is working outā is too much to ask for in the latter scenario.
1
1
1y
I agree with all of that š
0
0
1y
5w4
5
4
Within the context of an app such as this ~ I scarcely get to know anyone's personality, and don't much connect on any level beyond the surface. I don't view that level of interaction as anything worth being upset over when it's lost. In my perspective, such people are never more than ghosts anyway. As a concept, I don't much care for the idea of ghosting, but it isn't going anywhere; I'm just apathetic and rather jaded to it now, tbh
1
1
1y
Yeah, ghosting is always gonna happen, and it seems like you've adapted to the truth of it existing, which is a good thing imo. As long as you're not letting it bother you
1
0