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Universes
Posted Thursday, April 25, 2024
3mo
INFJ
Cancer
5 Awards
Kissing
Help settle an argument. My coworker says: if a guy treats you out for dinner or movie or drink and pays, he deserves to be kissed as “payment” for a good time for him to feel appreciated. I disagree. I can verbally express appreciation with a hug or a touch or expressing enthusiasm if I’m not ready to kiss someone. What are your thoughts?
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Comment
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3mo
ENFP
Pisces
I also disagree, it's really weird for someone to think they're entitled to that just because they paid.
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3mo
ENFP
Libra
Guys are not entitled to kisses, hugs, or any physcial touch. The nice night should be its own reward. If you both feel comfortable enough then ya go get them kisses but if etheir of you aren't ready for any reason then no kisses should be had. Kisses aren't a reward they are an intimate momment to share with some you feel comfortable with.
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3mo
ISTJ
Sagittarius
1:40
12
3
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3mo
ISTP
Pisces
Go at your own pace ✌️
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0
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3mo
INTP
Scorpio
Nah, you owe nothing. That's why I've told my sisters for well over a decade now to just pay for their part of the meal. That way there's zero expectations and both folks are meeting in the middle. At least until things get serious or it's just two friends that take turns. Unfortunately modern times haven't quite adjusted from traditional dating or relationships. Not saying that even in a traditional dating manner that a woman owes a man any such thing, should never be that way. The expectations vs behaviors are mismatched in various ways still and it's going to take time for humanity to figure out what works. Best of luck to everyone! (edited)
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3mo
INFP
Leo
You don’t owe anyone anything, especially if it’s crossing your boundaries.
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0
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3mo
INFP
Leo
🚩🚩🚩
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0
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3mo
INFP
Aries
I agree with you. Dates are for making connections and learning about one another, not about what you can get from the other person. There's no set time line for making any advancement with a potential partner, and anyone worth dating seriously should fully understand personal boundaries and consent.
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3mo
INFP
Leo
End of the night kiss should only happen if there is a natural chemistry and attraction and both want to be more intimate at the end of the night regardless of if he payed for diner
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3mo
ENFJ
Libra
No. Ask him how that's working for him. Does he ever get a second date? No one is obligated to kiss you because you paid for a meal. Relationships like that don't work BC that person counts everything they do for you and they want a reward for it also. A relationship is give and take and compromise, this sounds very selfish.
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4
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3mo
INTP
Gemini
My point of view is we should stop this gender role nonsense altogether. Going Dutch should be the standard. The climate of getting to pick the best parts of feminism, and the best parts of the patriarchy is muddy at best, and non-sensical by standard. It turns all activities of dating into transactions. "I did this for you, now you do this for me." Why can't we just make dating about enjoying eachothers company?
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3mo
ENFP
Libra
They don’t deserve anything but your company because that’s what was promised and even that isn’t guaranteed if they can’t behave. I had a guy forcefully kiss me after a date and I almost called the cops
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1
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3mo
INTP
Virgo
Physical intimacy such as kissing and so on means nothing unless both people want it not to mention has different levels of significance to each person. So no, You don’t owe anything. If the guy chooses to pay, it’s his choice. If the vibe wasn’t right and either or doesn’t want to or isn’t ready to kiss or whatever the act, it’s not owed. You can’t owe someone feelings.
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3mo
ENFP
Leo
How many people are you hugging and kissing for your meals and entertainment, and how often do you pay when you go out?
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0
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3mo
INTP
Pisces
I disagree as well. Kissing should be saved for later dates
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0
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3mo
INTJ
Libra
I would say no to the date if you're not interested from the get-go b/c the problem with men today is that they sexualize every encounter with women & paying for a date in exchange for a kiss is nothing more than entitlement. Your coworker is not entitled to any physical interaction whether he paid for dinner or chose to marry someone. No, still means no. Can he ask for affection? Yes, but women who barely know him have every right to tell him to take it slow, say they want to get to know him better, be friends first, etc. As for marriage, he can communicate his expectations for physical affection and appreciation before and after it. If it's not being met, he has a right to leave. But he can't just force his S.O. to do something she doesn't want to. Again, he's not entitled to her body. Edit: he's a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Be careful. (edited)
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3mo
INFJ
Libra
Playing devils advocate here, men want to be validated as much as women do. Personally, if I as a man offer to take a woman out, pay for dinner, gas and everything else and all I get after that is a thank you and a handshake, I'm going to assume you have me in your contacts as free food and arent interested in dating and ill move on. Now I'm not saying that taking a woman out entitles a man to anything, however, I am saying if you truly did enjoy the night out and were treated well, a quick peck on the cheek will 100% guarantee a second date and let him know your interested in him. Obviously I am biased being a man, and no man should expect anything for doing the standard, however, it can be a massive turn off for men that your interested in if you treat them like a coworker after a date lol and unfortunately, alot of men get used as a meal ticket by women and being one of them myself, I do have anxiety about being taken advantage of. There's negatives on both sides, as well as positives, but personally, I would at least like to assume that if you are comfortable enough with me to go on a date, you would be comfortable enough for me to at least kiss you goodnight 🤷♂️ but this also is coming from someone who would be fine with just a hug too.
0
1
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3mo
ENFP
Aries
These things should never be coerced or expected. Everyone has the right to set their own boundaries and rules. Treat people how THEY want to be treated not the way YOU want to be treated. Besides, if you expect something in return for offering to pay for something, it kinda makes the whole gesture feel pointless. It simply becomes transactional which is not kindness.
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0
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3mo
INTP
Aries
I agree with you, there's no need to rush yourself into anything you don't want. If you wanna kiss the guy go for it but it shouldn't be a obligation
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0
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3mo
INTP
Cancer
Affection shouldn't be transactional. Asking for transactional affection is a massive 🚩
1
0
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3mo
ISFP
Virgo
Eww & WTF! Especially if there’s absolutely no chemistry. If one of my girls pays for a meal do I owe her a kiss too? If I pay just enjoy it and a simple thank you is suffice.
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0
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3mo
INTP
Your co-worker's views are antiquated. This is not the 1970s. Showing appreciation is as simple as saying thank you. Kissing is not a payment for dinner. I'm with you in expressing disagreement. (edited)
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