Feeling conflicted about your standards in dating is a common experience. You wonder, "Are my standards too high?", "Am I being unrealistic?" or perhaps "Am I setting the bar too low?" You desire deep, meaningful connections, but the journey to find them often feels fraught with mismatches and misunderstandings. This internal conflict between wanting to find a partner that truly complements your unique personality and fearing that your standards might be too steep is a difficult one.

The pain of unsuccessful dating experiences can leave you feeling frustrated and emotionally drained. The fear of ending up alone due to high standards can be just as distressing as the thought of settling for less than you deserve. This struggle might leave you feeling stuck, like you're navigating a landscape without a compass.

In this article, we will explore the concept of expectations and standards in dating. We'll examine the balance between high standards and realistic expectations, the nature of deal breakers, and the dangers of setting the bar too low. We will also provide guidance on setting and adjusting your own standards, with a closer look at examples of specific standards people have in relationships.

The Heart of the Matter: Understanding Your Dating Standards

We've all heard the phrase, "high standards," but what does it really mean in the context of dating and relationships? Having high standards means you hold a firm idea of what you want and need from a partner. This can manifest as an emotional connection, shared interests, or mutual respect, among other things. It's about knowing your worth and not settling for less than what you deserve.

However, having high standards doesn't mean seeking perfection. It's important to distinguish between high standards and unrealistic expectations. It's only human to have flaws and imperfections. Expecting a potential partner to tick every box on your checklist might be setting the bar too high, leading to unnecessary disappointment.

High standards vs. low standards: Navigating the balance

When it comes to standards in dating, striking a balance is essential. Low standards can lead you to compromise on your self-worth and may result in unfulfilling relationships. Remember, it's not about lowering your standards, but rather about understanding what matters most to you in a relationship and focusing on those aspects.

On the flip side, consistently high expectations can potentially leave you feeling dissatisfied or unfulfilled, as no one will be able to meet every single expectation you have. The key is to strike a balance between maintaining your standards and keeping your expectations in check.

Deal breakers: The non-negotiables in your relationships

Deal breakers are specific traits or behaviors that you consider unacceptable in a potential partner. They are typically born from past experiences or personal values and can play a significant role in determining the compatibility between two individuals.

Recognizing your deal breakers is as important as knowing your standards. It's about understanding what you can't compromise on in a relationship. However, just as with standards, it's important to be realistic. For example, expecting a partner to be in peak physical shape at all times might be unreasonable, whereas expecting respect and honesty should be non-negotiable.

Setting Your Standards: A Guiding Light in the Dating World

Setting standards in a relationship is about defining what you need from a partner to feel loved, secure, and valued. Your standards act as a compass, guiding you through the often chaotic dating landscape. They are a reflection of your values, your beliefs, and your past experiences, and they can help you identify the qualities you truly want in a partner.

The art of setting healthy standards

When setting standards, it's essential to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what you need from a partner to feel satisfied and fulfilled. Remember, your standards should be a reflection of your values and should enhance your wellbeing.

Here are some points to consider:

• Reflect on your past relationships and identify what worked and what didn't.
• Understand your emotional needs and how you want them to be met.
• Define your deal breakers—those non-negotiables that you cannot overlook.
• Be flexible and open to change. As you grow and evolve, so might your standards.

Your standards checklist: A tool for clarity

Creating a list of standards can be an effective tool in your dating journey. It's a tangible reminder of what you're looking for in a relationship and can help keep you grounded when emotions run high.

However, it's equally important to remain flexible. No one is perfect, and you might find that someone who doesn't tick every box still brings you happiness and fulfillment. Your list should be a guideline, not a rigid rulebook.

Examining specific standards: A closer look

Standards can vary greatly from person to person, based on individual needs, values, and experiences. For example, some people might prioritize emotional intelligence and empathy, while others might place more emphasis on shared interests or financial stability. However, some standards are considered reasonable across most people’s relationships:

• Respectful behavior: Your partner should respect you, your boundaries, and your values.
• Emotional availability: Your partner should be willing and able to express their feelings and understand yours.
• Shared interests or values: It's important to have some common ground or similar life goals.
• Trustworthiness: Honesty and trust are fundamental to any successful relationship.
• Mutual effort: Both you and your partner should invest time and energy into the relationship.

In some cases, religious beliefs may also play a role in defining standards. For instance, Christian dating standards might include shared religious beliefs, attending church together, or abstaining from premarital sex. These standards are deeply personal and should align with your core values.

Navigating the distinction between reasonable and unrealistic standards can be challenging. Here's a simple guide to help you differentiate.

Recognizing unrealistic expectations

Unrealistic dating standards can be a major stumbling block in your quest for a fulfilling relationship. It's natural to fantasize about a perfect partner, but it's important to stay grounded in reality. Here are some standards that are unrealistic in human relationships:

• Perfection: Expecting your partner to be flawless is unrealistic. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.
• Constant agreement: Disagreements are normal and can be healthy. Expecting to always see eye-to-eye isn't practical.
• Complete fulfillment: It's unrealistic to expect your partner to meet all your emotional, social, and personal needs.
• Instant chemistry: While initial attraction is important, deep connections often take time to develop.
• Predictability: People are complex and unpredictable. Expecting otherwise can lead to disappointment.

Recognizing and adjusting these standards can pave the way for healthier and more satisfying relationships.

Feel like you only ever meet jerks? You’re not alone

If you're finding it hard to meet people who treat you with the respect and consideration you deserve, remember, you're not alone. It can be disheartening when it seems like you're surrounded by individuals who don't align with your values. But don't lose heart; there are people out there whose personalities will mesh well with yours.

You don't have to settle for less just because it's what's readily available. You deserve a partner who respects you, cherishes you, and values the same things you do. And that person does exist. It might take time to find them, but the wait will be worth it.

Remember, certain personality types, such as INFJ and INFP, are known for having high standards in their relationships. These personality types are introspective, empathetic, and value deep connections. If you identify with these types, you might often feel misunderstood or even ostracized for your high standards. However, there are other personality types who can not only understand but also embrace these qualities. ENXX types, for instance, can often appreciate the depth and authenticity that INXX types bring to a relationship. Understanding your personality compatibility can help you meet people who understand you and share your values.

So, be patient with yourself and the process. Your unique personality and high standards are not flaws; they're strengths. And the right person will see and appreciate them for what they truly are.

Frequently Asked Questions: Unraveling the Complexities of Dating Standards

How do I know if my standards are too high?

If you find that no one can live up to your standards or if you're constantly disappointed by your dates, it might be a sign that your standards are too high. Reflect on your expectations and consider if they are realistic and attainable.

Are there any quizzes to help me understand my standards?

Yes, several online quizzes can provide insight into your standards. For example, an "Are my standards too high quiz" or "Are my standards too high quiz for guys" might offer some perspective. However, remember that these quizzes are guidelines, and introspection is key to truly understanding your standards.

What are some common examples of high standards in dating?

High standards in dating often include expectations around mutual respect, emotional availability, shared interests, and compatible life goals. However, what constitutes "high standards" can vary greatly between individuals.

How can I differentiate between high standards and unrealistic expectations?

High standards are about knowing your worth and what you need in a relationship, while unrealistic expectations often involve seeking perfection. If your expectations consistently lead to disappointment or prevent you from forming meaningful connections, they might be unrealistic.

How do I maintain my standards without feeling like I'm asking for too much?

Maintaining your standards is about valuing yourself and understanding what you need from a relationship. If you feel like you're asking for too much, it could be worth exploring why you feel this way. Remember, everyone deserves to be in a relationship that fulfills and respects them.

Charting Your Course: Concluding Thoughts on Dating Standards

Navigating the dating world can be challenging, but by understanding and setting healthy standards, you can guide your journey towards more fulfilling relationships. Remember, it's not about perfection, but about finding a partner who respects you and meets your core needs.

So, whether you're wondering if your standards really are “too high" or whether, in fact, you need to raise the bar, remember to stay true to yourself. Your standards are a reflection of your self-worth and your expectations for how you deserve to be treated. Don't compromise on them, but also remain open to change and growth. As you navigate the dating world, may your standards light your path towards meaningful and fulfilling connections.