Digital Dilemmas: Is Your Partner’s Use of Dating Apps a Breach of Trust?

Poll Results: Do People Consider It Cheating?

Before we dive in, cast your vote in our poll:

Is it cheating if your partner continuously uses a dating app while in the relationship?
Yes
No
1604 votes

Here are the results of the poll, showing the spread of opinions amongst the Boo Community:

Is it cheating if your partner continuously uses a dating app while in the relationship?

The results show that a vast majority, between 80 and 90 percent, view continued dating app usage as a breach of trust. Across different personality types, trust and exclusivity matter in relationships. While perspectives may vary, the general consensus is that this behavior can damage the relationship.

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Understanding Online Dating: The Modern Landscape

Dating apps have transformed how people connect, especially for millennials and Gen Z. Unlike previous generations, where romance was often sparked through mutual friends or chance encounters, today’s dating world is driven by swipes, matches, and digital conversations. "Dating” has all but been replaced by "talking” in the younger generations’ vocabulary, which Urban Dictionary defines as “you guys are a thing but haven’t made it official by going on dates just yet”.

But this shift has also blurred the lines of exclusivity. Many couples now define relationships differently, leading to uncertainty around what is acceptable in the online space.

Traditionally, cheating was defined by physical encounters, but in today’s world, emotional and digital infidelity are just as significant. If your partner is actively swiping, chatting, or maintaining a dating profile, it can betray the emotional trust in your relationship—even if they haven’t met anyone in person.

Common forms of digital infidelity include:

• Keeping an active dating profile while in a relationship
• Flirting with others online in a romantic way
• Secretly engaging with people through dating apps
• Using dating apps for validation or attention

While some people argue that having a profile isn’t necessarily cheating, many agree that intent and secrecy matter.

Signs Your Partner May Be Using Dating Apps

Wondering if your partner is still on dating apps? Watch out for these key red flags:

• Increased secretiveness around their phone
  • They suddenly start using passwords or hiding their screen
  • They turn their phone away when texting or scrolling
  • Their notifications are always turned off
• More time online, especially late at night
  • They’re active on their phone at odd hours
  • They constantly take their phone to the bathroom
  • They become defensive when you ask what they’re doing
• Swiftly switching screens
  • They quickly exit apps when you walk by
  • They avoid showing their screen when sharing something
• Behavioral changes
  • They seem emotionally distant or distracted
  • They act more secretive or defensive
  • They avoid discussions about commitment

These behaviors don’t automatically confirm they’re on dating apps, but they can indicate something is being hidden.

How to Find Out if Your Partner is on Dating Apps

If you suspect your partner is still using dating apps, here are some ways to check:

• Check their email for verification messages. Search their inbox for dating app confirmation emails from Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or other platforms.
• Use reverse image search. Upload their profile picture to Google to see if it appears on dating platforms.
• Try specialized search tools. Websites like Cheaterbuster or Social Catfish can search for active dating profiles.
• Create a fake dating profile. Some people make a new profile to check if their partner appears in search results.

Before doing any of this, consider if this aligns with your personal values and the trust in your relationship.

Why Might Your Partner Still Be on Dating Apps?

If you find out they still have a profile, it doesn’t always mean they’re cheating. Here are some possible reasons:

• They forgot to delete their profile. Many people create dating profiles and never actively use them again.
• They use it out of habit. Swiping can become a mindless habit, even after starting a relationship.
• They’re seeking validation. Some people enjoy the attention dating apps provide, even if they’re not looking to cheat.
• They want to keep their options open. Unfortunately, some people aren’t fully committed and want a safety net.
• They don’t see it as a problem. Not everyone agrees that having a dating app is an issue in a committed relationship.

Your Questions Answered

What if my partner is using dating apps just to make friends?

While some people genuinely use dating apps to make friends, it's essential to communicate your feelings about this to your partner. If it makes you uncomfortable, discuss it openly and find a resolution that respects both your feelings and your partner's autonomy.

How do I approach my partner about my concerns regarding their use of dating apps?

If you suspect or confirm that your partner is on dating apps, communication is key. Start with expressing your feelings without blame or accusation. Say something like, "I've noticed you're still active on your dating app, and it's causing me some anxiety. Can we talk about it?" The key is to maintain an open and non-judgmental dialogue.

Do:

• Express your feelings using “I” statements
• Be open about your expectations
• Listen to their side before assuming

Don’t:

• Accuse or attack immediately
• Check their phone without consent
• Ignore your concerns if it bothers you

Is it an invasion of privacy to ask my partner to show me their activity on dating apps?

While it's natural to want reassurances, demanding to see your partner's activity can be seen as an invasion of privacy. Instead of demanding proof, focus on communicating your feelings and seeking reassurance through open conversation.

How do I differentiate between harmless online interaction and cheating?

Look for signs of emotional intimacy, such as frequent private conversations, secretive behavior, or your partner discussing things with someone they're not sharing with you. If these interactions are affecting your relationship, it's essential to address the issue openly.

Can an online relationship really be as damaging as a physical affair?

Yes, emotional affairs can be just as, if not more, damaging than physical ones. They involve a breach of trust, secrecy, and emotional resources being directed away from the primary relationship, all of which can deeply hurt a partner.

Final Thoughts: Navigating Trust in the Digital Age

Dating apps have changed the way we connect, but they have also made trust in relationships more complex. If you find yourself questioning your partner’s online behavior, don’t ignore your feelings—open communication is essential for a healthy relationship.