Posted Wednesday, July 13, 2022
3y
INTP
Aquarius
Is it red flags? Or are my standards too High?
So short version... I talked to a guy for a month, went on 8 dates throughout the second month before he asked me out. I said yes then 3 days later he breaks up with me through text, would not answer my phone calls. 5 days later he blows up my phone with "I'm sorry" & "I miss you" texts. I told him I couldn't go through that situation again and he said he doesn't want to be friends so I will never hear from him again. 4 days later he is back to the I miss you and give me another try texts. I'm going through counseling to learn to set boundaries and not let people keep taking advantage of me but I'm struggling. What he is doing is triggering my anxiety big time and I'm not sure if I'm being too hard on him or if sticking to the boundaries is being too harsh?
70
160
Relationshipadvice Community
The relationshipadvice community, chat, and discussion.
1.3M SOULS
3y
INFJ
Aquarius
Forgiveness is everything, but you can forgive him without being his girlfriend. Just know that whatever it is he's going through is a "him" thing & not a you thing. We can write people off as toxic, narcissistic, flaky, players, etc. to make it easier to move on, but the reality is - people who behave like this are hurting, too. They need love and compassion, just not the kind you are offering. Set your boundaries, girl. If you can't be friends with him because of the mixed emotions then be direct, tell him you can't handle being his friend until he gets the help he needs, and end the contact. Good luck!
18
3
3y
INFP
Leo
16
0
3y
INTP
Sagittarius
That's love bombing and childish.
12
0
3y
INFP
Scorpio
🚩🚩🚩
7
0
3y
ENTJ
Leo
Every time I hear someone questioning their standards it’s almost always the case that thier standards are fine, but they’re questioning themselves. Same thing here. Why would you accept this dude back? Has he given you any reason to believe this same pattern won’t just repeat itself? It’s scary to reject people. It’s scary to say no. But that’s where your power is. You did a good job. Don’t let anyone tel you otherwise.
4
0
3y
ENTJ
Taurus
OMGosh... Red flags everywhere.😳 Sounds like he thought he had a chance with another girl, dumped you, she rejected him, and then he backtracked, trying to get back with you again. I'm sorry this is happening to you.🥺 You certainly aren't being too hard on him and your boundaries are far from harsh. It's common human decency to not break up with someone over text and then ignore them when they call for an explanation. That, for me, would be a deal breaker. Everything he did after that point is just added crazyness😬... Your greatest hope should be that he sticks to his promise and you never hear from him again. But he'll probably continue to bother you, so maybe telling him that you've lost your feelings of attraction toward him, will keep him away from your house. As for no longer wanting to be your friend... at this point, that's his problem, and honestly a blessing for you. Fortunately he pulled these shenanigans in the first 2 months, so you didn't waste too much time. My advice would be to disentangle as quickly as possible. By this point, even an apology from him would have no value... his words are empty. (edited)
1
0
3y
INFP
Libra
Block his number u don't need that bs.
1
0
3y
INFP
Libra
You are a million percent NOT being too harsh. Stick to your boundaries. It's not okay for this guy to yo-yo on you like this, it's incredibly disrespectful. Find someone who can communicate like an adult.
1
0
3y
ISTJ
Taurus
He movin childish
0
0
3y
INFP
Libra
Big red flags. Dude can’t just break up and say he doesn’t want to see you and then immediately backtrack and ask for one more chance. It just comes off as manipulative and at the end of the day, his massive mood swings are going to lead to a rather unstable relationship. It’s better to cut all ties from him and move on with your life, he’s not worth destroying your own life too
0
0
3y
INFP
Libra
Not worth your time.
0
0
1y
INFJ
Scorpio
Dating is supposed to be light hearted and casual unless established or talked about. He's wrong for ghosting and coming back. He was probably dating around though and sometimes without any understanding of where y'all are, that happens. He shouldn't have came back, that's disrespectful. At least answer a damn text or do some explaining beforehand. He's completely wrong, and glad you blocked him, but dating/dating apps, it's the risks we take opening our hearts. Anxiety runs high during those times, and if you already have that problem, I would set your expectations low and learn to just take it day by day. If not ready, re evaluate and come back.
0
0
3y
INFJ
Aquarius
Nope. Block him and move on. A guy that does that will continue to do it because he knows you will allow it. A guy worth your time will not out you in a situation to have to ask these questions. Also, there is no such thing as too high of standards, you deserve to find the right person. Don't settle for less
0
0
3y
INTP
Cancer
I totally feel this nd can relate with similar situation. 3 months and I even met her family. Suddenly, one day it's over. Ghosted. I learnt all shaking, chilling and breaking experience it was because I EXPECTED to had an emotion connection but sometimes it's just a play or game for some people. It's okay to stressed, depressed and anxious. But not to stay there. Move on away from the bad feeling and take those butterfly feelings, preserve them like fireflies. There will be one day for them to be FREE again with more and everlasting strength.
0
0
3y
ISTJ
Cancer
Idk immediately breaking up and then coming back with I miss you seems like a big red flag from a man. We don't play stupid games and you should talk more in depth with your counselor. If you really want, I'll message with you just to hear details and get my opinion. I'm here if you just want some help
0
0
3y
ESFJ
Scorpio
Yeah that's red flaggy if ever I've seen it. Is he on uppers and downers or something? Stay safe ✌🏻
0
0
3y
ISTJ
Aries
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
0
0
Meet New People
50,000,000+
DOWNLOADS
Related Posts
22h
INTJ
Virgo
🙏
22
5
22h
INTJ
Virgo
💯
16
1
7h
ISFJ
Scorpio
They say the only way to know if you can trust someone, is to trust them.
11
4
22h
INTP
Scorpio
🥚🥚🥚🥚
5
7
3y
ENFP
Cancer
Pet names...
Ladies, how do you feel when random guys or strangers you don't know well🙃 call you baby, beautiful, pretty girl, etc...
8
47
17h
ISFJ
Taurus
Let Them!!! (edited)
9
1
3h
ESTJ
Aries
Looking for love
7
3
3y
ENFP
Libra
How do you get over someone and still keep in contact with them?
Honestly I find it hard to talk to her sometimes because shes the best. She's got the prettiest eyes and the most creative personality, and the laugh and horrible jokes that would make anyones heart flutter. Id keep going if I wasnt trying to think about it
5
11
16h
ISTJ
💕
5
4
16h
ISTP
😏🤨
Don't act like you didn't do anything wrong.
6
1
14h
ESFJ
Pisces
Control your own thoughts
5
1
16h
ISTJ
🔥
5
2
16h
ISTJ
🤭
2
4
17h
ISFP
Is it ok to be attracted to much older, more mature people?
1
2
12h
ISTJ
Aries
My style
Just trying to get some positive vibes about my new look I've lost over 60IB since start of last year shaved my beard and got some new clothes. Wdyt?? (edited)
1 vote
3
2
1d
INTP
Gemini
Red flags
Anyone who thinks someone should be ready to handle their attitude or sassy behavior is a big red flag. What other things do you think are red flags?
6
2
1d
ENFJ
Cancer
Ask
You don't need to ask me what kind of men I like; we just need to have our conversation, and I want to see your efforts, that's all.
13
3
1h
INFJ
Leo
Rat posion don't kill's male 😂🙃
1
0
48m
INFP
Capricorn
✨
What's the most important thing in a relationship??
3
3
1d
INFJ
Scorpio
Battle
We like to believe we are smart and intelligent, yet we spend most of our lives confused. There comes a moment when the heart says, “Go. Express what you feel.” And the brain immediately answers, “Don’t. You’ll be rejected. You’ll be made fun of. You’ll lose your dignity.” Fear speaks loudly. Ego... (edited) read more
1
0
14h
ESFJ
Pisces
Question ❓
Incident!! I couldn't give time to my girlfriend at time because of the she felt sad and badly remember her ex boyfriend and feeling to talk to him .. Being I love her much and respect her feelings, shall I get her ex boyfriend number and give her..?? Of course I did that, I trust her ❤️ Is it... read more
1
1
14h
ESFJ
Pisces
Love person who will accept you all the way 💋
5
1
1d
INTP
Gemini
How come no one actually wants a serious relationship now days
4
10
4d
ISFJ
Capricorn
Lol
Any thoughts?
115
22
13d
ISTJ
❤️
160
32
1d
ISTP
SAD LIFE
When they start replying late and talk less,you know your free trial is over
10
8
4d
ENTP
Sagittarius
👀
65
6
4d
ENFP
Leo
If you fell in love...
with someone and felt you could be soul mates, but then found they could not have children, would you still marry them or move on?
37
22
1d
ISTJ
Virgo
I don't know who needs to hear this right now, but that man doesn't have "dismissive avoidant attachment style", he's just not that into you. Stop it, it's time to move on.
7
2
1d
INTJ
Cancer
For you , if someone in your talking stage are on and off .Like late replies like that , is it validate to respect his time or he just busy to something another girl ?
18
17
7d
INFP
Aquarius
???
why do people completely change after a month?
28
32
20d
INTJ
Cancer
Irony? Madness?
Why are people always attracted to the individuals who don't want them? Myself, included. I always fall for the person who doesn't want me back.
33
33
2d
INFJ
Aries
I wish my ex would spend a day with himself
24
9
3d
ENFP
Aries
Real men
Are there still decent men out in this world 🌎 that want a real relationship and has Christian ✝️ in there hearts 💕 and start settling for marriage and not play around 🤔
17
13
2d
INTJ
Scorpio
To all the women please Stop assuming men are aholes if you want decent man in your life then Stop going for the players go for your average man you be suprised how far we will go if you encourage us.
17
13
4d
INTJ
Virgo
.
20
4
2d
INTJ
Cancer
🤔?
Have you ever ghosted someone… or been ghosted by someone you actually liked? 👀
11
20
3d
ENTP
Sagittarius
I'm two breaths away from dating two men who love me and hate each other
This is the type of greed they talk about in the bible
11
14
4d
ISTP
Not again 🤣
River never go reverse 😏😏😏
20
2