Will

Posted Thursday, May 9, 2024

13d

INTP

Pisces

5

4

Thinking aloud

I'm in a comfortable depression that's slowly devolving as the effects of being sedentary cause me to lose stamina and gain weight along with the cascading health problems there in. If I start to act now in small ways I know will help then I can reverse the process. Eat right and do one of thousands of workout plans available online. I know how to set realistic goals based on my personal comfort level and not on distractions like the scale. Going through this process would make so I wouldn't have to worry about my physical comfort when I go back to school in the fall. I can use my education to get a job in a field I really care about, be more available to meet someone in the future, and have a kid like I've always wanted. But it's like... I am laying in bed. I'm not moving. I'm not meal planning or making sure I'm eating lots of high protein low carb foods. It's just so much effort that feels like it'll be in vain. Like, okay, let's say I somehow become a figure like Alexander the Great who gets taught in schools and has movies made about him... This moment to moment existence that is my life will be gone. The things that made me me and not a name in a genealogy report or a history book will be gone. Why try so hard when I have just felt like this for my whole life? Dude, not to mention I've got such an amazing life full of caring supportive people like - woah talk about imposter syndrome. Lived in the city for a bit and would occasionally walk by a homeless person sleeping on the street and it's like "oh yeah, boo hoo yourself to sleep in the apartment mommy and daddy paid for" like lol. I would hate me